Wings to the Wind [dead blog]

2008-01-03T20:53:00.000+08:00

HA. I MOVED TO LJ.

http://melancholise.livejournal.com

<3

2007-11-18T22:14:00.000+08:00

I don't think I can sleep right now even though I should try and get some extra rest. There's a jittery kind of excitement dancing around in my stomach. I don't know why I'm so nervous, it's just eight days in Melbourne.

Thinking about the future scares me.

Listening to: Maneater - Nelly Furtado. It's so catchy haha.

you wish you never ever met her at all,

2007-11-16T10:29:00.000+08:00

HEY. It's like they read my mind and then wrote this song.

Be My Escape - Relient K

I’ve given up on giving up slowly
I’m blending in so you won’t even know me
Apart from this whole world that shares my fate
This one last bullet you mention
It’s my one last shot at redemption
Cause I know to live you must give your life away

And I’ve been housing all this doubt
and insecurity
And I’ve been locked inside that house
All the while you hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out
And that might be the death of me
And even though there’s no way of knowing
Where to go
I promise I’m going because

I gotta get out of here
I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I gotta get out of here
And I’m begging you, I’m begging you, I’m begging you to be my escape

I’ve given up on doing this alone now
Guess I failed and I’m ready to be shown how
You told me the way and now I’m trying to get there
And this life sentence that I’m serving
I admit that I’m every bit deserving
But the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair

Cause I’ve been housing all this doubt
and insecurity
And I’ve been locked inside that house
All the while you hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out
And that might be the death of me
And even though there’s no way of knowing
Where to go
I promise I’m going because

I gotta get out of here
Cause I’m afraid that this complacency is something I can’t shake (yeah)
I gotta get out of here
And I’m begging you, I’m begging you, I’m begging you to be my escape

I am a hostage to my own humanity
Self-detained and forced to live in this mess I’ve made
And all I’m asking is for you to do what you can with me
But I can’t ask you to give what you already gave.

Cause I’ve been housing all this doubt
and insecurity
And I’ve been locked inside that house
All the while you hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out
That might be the death of me
And even though there’s no way of knowing
Where to go
I promise I’m going because

I gotta get out of here
I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I gotta get out of here
And I’m begging you, I’m begging you, I’m begging you to be my escape.

Actually Relient K used to be a Christian band. There are still Christian undertones in their lyrics. (: You can look at many of their songs as being addressed to God.

I'm procrastinating. I need to do math tuition homework.

Keeping the emoness out. Somewhat.

Three days to Melbourne...

2007-11-15T17:27:00.000+08:00

I'm tired, mostly. I think I'm really unfit 'cause my thighs are aching after painting the banner for SL yesterday. D: I mean, why my thighs!

I must try not to be so sad/emo. It's not like I have a right to be. Those starving kids in Africa/India/other countries have a right to be emo. I don't.

It's too late, to apologise
I said it's too late,

Apologise by One Republic. Awesome song. Sounds great on the piano too, 'cause the bass clef is really low and the treble clef is really high so it sounds drama and emo. And the drums are so catchy.

And you said,
Sorry like the angel heaven let me think was you,

Mm I wonder what you were thinking when you said those things, did those things. Did it hurt you too? Were you too angry to care? Or maybe you were just frozen inside.

I guess I shall never know. It doesn't really matter anyway.

I'm holding on your rope, got me ten feet off the ground,

Apologise - One Republic

//EDIT: Tag Replies! I nearly forgot O:

Rayne: Yes, I think you're right. I feel so tired and weak, though. :C But thanks for being a pillar of support.
Binkee: HAHA lol. Jaz says it makes me look stupid. D:
Minyee: Why! D: I liked your blog. Minyee + short hair = ... Can't imagine it. The picture in my head looks like a bad cut-and-paste Photoshop job. Haha I hope you're having fun in Taiwan right now (:
Jazzy: I shall relink...soon. xD LJ is cool. But I can't figure out how to code it ;_;
Darrell: Luff ya too. [: <3 <3 I'll try. And yes I wanna see it too! :D

//EDIT 2

Quiz, because I feel like it.

1. Time of starting this?
7:41 PM

2. Were you named after anyone?
Nope.

3. Do you wish on stars?
More as a gesture, not because I really believe it will happen.

4. When did you last cry?
If you don't know, you don't need to.

5. What is your favourite meat?
Depends how it's cooked. Probably chicken and beef.

6. What is your most embarrassing CD on your shelf?
None, really.

7. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you?
Yeah, I guess (:

8. Are you a daredevil?
Only when I'm alone. xD You don't wanna know.

9. How do you release anger?
I don't.

10.Where is your second home?
My auntie's house. (I'm here now)

11. Do you trust others easily?
Mm, too easily.

12. What was your favourite toy as a child?
Little plastic animal figurines. (: I'd make pretend zoos.

13. What subject in school do you think is totally useless?
Actually...none of them.

14. Do you use sarcasm a lot?
Depends on who I'm interacting with. It's not a habit, though.

15. Have you ever been in a mosh pit?
Nope.

16. What do you look for in a guy/girl?
Nice. That's most important.

17. Would you bungee jump?
Maybe I would have when I was younger, but I'm less adventurous now. ):

18. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
No, I tie them loose so I can slip them on and off (:

19. What’s your favourite ice cream flavour?
Cookies and cream <3 I like Ben&Jerry's cookie dough flavour though.

20. What are your favourite colours? Um...I made a list a while ago...click here.

21. What is your least favourite thing?
Uh, there are a lot.

22. What/Who do you miss most right now?
I...skip this question.

23. What are you listening to right now?
Bubbly by Colbie Caillat (clicky). <3 It starts in my toes and I crinkle my nose; wherever it goes, I'll always know that you make me smile, baby, stay for a while now; just take your time, wherever you go.

24. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be?
Orange. Though green's my fave, but orange fits better.

25. What is the weather like right now?
Quiet. Still. A bit stuffy.

26. Last person you talked to on the phone?
My mum.

27. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
Height.

28. How are you today?
-shrugs-

29. Favourite drink?
Bandung.

30. Favourite alcoholic drink?
Too young.

31. Natural hair colour?
Black, brown in sunlight.

32. Eye colour?
Dark dark brown.

33. Wear contacts?
No.

34. Siblings?
Younger bro. He's eleven.

35. Favourite month?
None really.

36. Favourite food?
Chocolate, baked rice, takopochi, icecream, (Hawaiian) pizza, lots and lots of candy, etc.

37. Last movie you watched?
-thinks hard- I think it was...Hairspray. I wanna watch Stardust )):

38. Favourite day of the year?
I don't know. Nowadays I judge more on...what happens, not just a day in itself.

39. Have you ever been too shy to ask someone out?
I've never wanted to ask someone out, but yeah I'm shy around...some people.

40. Scary movies or happy endings?
Happy happy happy.

41. Summer or winter?
Winter. Snow. Skiing. <3

42. Hugs or kisses?
Hugs!

43. What book / magazine are you reading?
Newsweek. Hehh.

44. What’s on your mouse pad?
I use my tablet. xD

45. What did you watch on TV last night?
I haven't watched TV for ages. I like Animal Planet and National Geog, though.

46. Favourite Smell?
The smell of books. You can smell it in the library.

47. Do you regret ever breaking up with someone?
-shrugs-

2007-11-10T23:09:00.000+08:00

I'm going craaaaaaazyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

I feel like I'm taken for granted by others. But I know it's just my ego telling me that.

I'm always smiley, aren't I? Truth is, I get upset/annoyed pretty easily. It's just that I'm good at keeping it in check. Something about me: I can't stop positive emotions from bubbling to the top and I can't help but bury negative emotions. I suppose that's good in a way.

Today I discovered a way to keep calm that works for me. When I'm angry/frustrated/hurt/upset etc I'll take a deep breath and imagine a bottle and then picture myself stuffing all the negative emotions into the bottle until I'm cool, calm and collected. It works.

My blog's turning into the blog of someone I know. Not surprising, since I think I'm turning into that person.

.t.y.i.n.g.s. says:
mmhmm i avoid sad songs
- grace says:
haha i love them
.t.y.i.n.g.s. says:
not good, wont really help in cheering me up, for me
- grace says:
haha for me...
- grace says:
i don't really listen to cheer up
- grace says:
more to...i don't know
- grace says:
maybe i'm addicted to drama/trauma o_O
.t.y.i.n.g.s. says:
then i think you gotta break out of it?

Yeah. I need to snap out of it. But I'm so weak.

I'm doing it again, anyway. Now it's Everybody's Changing by Keane (I like their music style)

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing, and I don't feel the same.

2007-11-07T18:46:00.000+08:00

I feel so guilty. But it's not enough to motivate me to act.

And that makes me feel guilty too. But, of course, not enough to motivate me to act.

Three things about today.

1. I have a headache.
2. I cut my hair. Looks really different. Fringe.
3. Can't believe I'm so busy even when holidays have started. If anything I'm busier than I was in school. My mum says I overcommit.

My two current fave songs at the moment (there's a third - the one in the post below):

Zzyzx Rd. - Stone Sour
(yes I like listening to emo songs by obscure artists. But really, it's such a beautiful/melancholy song. Plus, the electric guitar solo part is just awesome.)

I don't know how else to put this - it's taken me so long to do this
I'm falling asleep and I can't see straight
My muscles feel like a melee - body's curled in a u-shape
I put on my best, but I'm still afraid
Propped up by lies with promises - saving my place as life forgets
Maybe it's time I saw the world
I'm only here for a while - but patience is not my style
And I'm so tired that I gotta go.

What am I supposed to hide now? What am I supposed to do?
Did you really think I wouldn't see this through?
Tell me I should stick around for you, tell me I could have it all
I'm still too tired to care and I gotta go.

Happy Ending - Mika
(he has such a gay voice but I love his music. This is probably my favourite song of his. It's certainly the saddest.)

Wake up in the morning
Stumble on my life
Can't get no love without sacrifice
If anything should happen
I guess I wish you well
Mmm a little bit of heaven
But a little bit of hell

This is the hardest story that I have ever told
No hope or love or glory
Happy ending's gone forever more

I feel as if I'm wasted
And I'm wastin' everyday

This is the way you left me:
I'm not pretending
No hope, no love, no glory
No happy ending

This is the way that we love:
Like it's forever
Then live the rest of our life
But not together.

Tagreplies <3
Sarah - No, it's fine. I think I need a preacher, I've never been very close to my church teachers or friends. \: I don't know. I feel like I'm running out of faith.
Minyee - Holidays! Hahahahaha...no. Let's see...I have to do Melbourne trip resource booklet...SL banner...Buckle banner/website/board...some animation project...my head's spinning. I feel so tired. I don't know, my blog is my punching bag of sorts I guess. I can imagine you with a diao expression right now.
Rayne - Imissyou):

2007-11-05T22:40:00.000+08:00

You took my hand, you showed me how
You promised me you'd be around
Uhuh, that's right

I took your words and I believed
In everything you said to me
Yeah huh, that's right

Because that's the way it was.

Why can't I just accept people for who they are?

"But don't you care that the Bible says homosexuality is wrong?"
"It's okay in fiction."
"What? No, that's not true!"
"So how come there's so much killing in fiction then?"

We didn't argue any more. But I can't just step back and watch the poison.

But I wouldn't have known what to say next, anyway.

I'm no angel myself. My conscience shouts at me a lot, but I never listen.

I never denied I have flaws. I never denied I'm wrong a lot. I never denied sometimes I'm a hypocrite.

Why is it they won't believe those things of me?

I'm not perfect. Stop looking at me like that.

Because right now I'm just a wrecked bundle of emotions.

I guess it's my fault. I'm just too good at pretending.

I wish I could touch you again
I wish I could still call you a friend
I'd give anything

Why am I so fragile? Why can't I just, just move on? Why can't I trust? Why can't I surrender it all?

I can't stand myself.

I think my blog gets way too personal. Maybe I should consider password protecting it.

It's degenerating into a bunch of YouTube videos and rants.

The tears are threatening to come and to be honest I don't mind.

If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
'Cause they're all wrong
I know better
'Cause you said forever
And ever
Who knew?

Not me, I never saw it coming.

Who Knew - Pink

2007-11-03T21:36:00.000+08:00

Listening to: Way Back Into Love from Music & Lyrics (this slightly stereotypical but HILARIOUS and sweet movie we watched during artcamp)

I've been living with a shadow overhead,
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed,
I've been lonely for so long,
Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on.

I found the sheet music (: http://words3music.100free.com/movies.html

What a beautiful song.

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine,
I've been searching but I just don't see the signs,
I know that it's out there,
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere.

"Ahhh! There's a leaf in our pasta sauce!"
"It's a bay leaf! It's SUPPOSED to be there!"

Paris has great food and great art. They are not created by the same people.

I have really nice seniors and really weird juniors.

There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

If I wasn't so tired I'd probably cry about _____ and ______. But camps leave me emotionally drained, I think.

All I want to do is find a way back into love,
I can't make it through without a way back into love,
And if I open my heart to you,
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do,
And if you help me to start again,
You know that I'll be there for you in the end.

Anyway, artcamp rocked.

2007-11-01T23:35:00.000+08:00

Be careful what you wish for
'Cos you just might get it all
Yeah you just might get it all
And then some you don't want

Yeah, and you never know what you're gonna get. Or sometimes you do, 'cause history repeats itself.

I need to sleep now. Or I'll be really exhausted tomorrow.

So tired. So, so tired.

Listening to Home by Daughtry.

2007-10-31T18:05:00.000+08:00

I miss you so badly.

Don't try to guess. It's wrong.

I think people must get a surprise when they read my blog. Perhaps they go, "Wait, is this Grace? It can't be her, she's not like this in school."

"You're two-faced."

It's not an insult, it's true. Actually...no. It's not true. I have more faces than that. Faces that I definitely haven't shown anyone except myself before.

I love this song. Listened to it so many times before.

I'm listening from the other end, this time.

The music video makes me wanna cry.

How To Save A Life - The Fray

I admire this person so much for daring to do this (clickyplease).

I want to do it. But I don't have the courage.

2007-10-25T21:39:00.000+08:00

Listening to: Just So You Know - Jesse McCartney

I shouldn't love you
But I want to
I just can't turn away
I shouldn't see you
But I can't move
I can't look away

-coughcough-

I'm so annoyed with the Melbourne booklet resource thing. I'm collating ;_; Why do people fill their research reports with useless information! Who cares if Queen Victoria Market has 17 delicatassens? I bet they don't even know what rotisserie chicken is (well, neither do I. I'm editing it out).

It's getting hard to
Be around you
There's so much I can't say
Do you want me to have the feelings?
And look the other way?

I feel so out of control on this. I wish I didn't feel this way. But it makes me smile.

I'm scared for Drama Night Auditions. The costumes are so screwed. Gahh.

I think I shouldn't listen to so much music. It has negative effects on me, because emo music heightens emo feelings. Or at least, I should listen to happy songs. Maybe getting an mp3 is not such a good idea.

If you hear me saying "crap!", hit me.
If I hit you, hit me.
If I start staring dreamily into the distance, hit me.
If I ask you to hit me...hit me.

Just so you know
This feeling's taking control of me
And I can't help it
I won't sit around
I can't let him win now
Thought you should know
I tried my best to let go of you
But I don't want to
Just gotta say it all before I go
Just so you know

2007-10-24T21:20:00.000+08:00

I've been reading up on urbandictionary.com (a website where users can submit definitions of words, so there are a lot of different points of view). It's very...educational.

I'm not an emo kid who cuts herself and has a black floppy fringe and tight jeans.

But I guess I'm emo in another sense, the internal sense.

Two definitions that struck me:

" "Emo Kids" are, to put it bluntly, constantly in the pursuit of the complete self-obliteration of any sort of perspective. Evident from the idolized paragons of emo culture(songs, that is) Emo kids dwell incessantly upon their emotions, usually of love, regret, heartbreak, and/or internal torment. To be frank, it seems that they simply cannot concentrate on anything other than themselves, while failing to realize that their dilemmas are not, in fact, very unique, and that everyone else in the world learns to deal with life...without forcing themselves to conform to some sickening subculture that only breeds self-imposed misery. "

" A term teens give to themselves when they feel that life has become pointless. What they don't realize is that when they say "No one understands me" there are hundreds of normal people that don't like life as much as the "emo" people do, and they just deal with it. Emo people are just hungry for attention, and they believe that this attention will get them somewhere. The irony is, you'd think that given how much they hate life, you never see an emo person actually kill themselves and get rid of it, rather, they continue posing and getting all the attention they can. "

That's what I've been doing, I think.

I lost my confidence/optimism but instead of bouncing back up I just let myself keep freefalling, didn't open my parachute. I'm just lucky I never hit terminal velocity.

There's so many people around me, trying to lift me up, but they can't help me if I don't help myself.

Neither can God.

I need to get back on my feet. Yeah, today's the day I leave it all behind. I've been an idiot since the _____ thing and other stuff happened but for the next year of my life...I'm gonna try and be a better person.

God, give me strength to carry it through.

I really really appreciate everything everyone's done for me. Thank you. Thank you so much.

And yes, I do read my tagboard, I just can't be bothered to reply (: Thanks for the tags. Reading them brings me joy.

2007-10-23T19:26:00.000+08:00

I will admit, if you admit it
It's harder than we both thought
It's easier to fall apart
Look where we are
I can forgive it, I can't forget it
You left me here with all these scars
and you can't deny the hardest part
I'm not in your arms

Spent the afternoon surfing YouTube and deviantArt.

I think I need to step back and take a good look at my life.

Take a deep breath. It's spiraling out of control.

We're more hurt than we appear
The world will never know
We both have tasted tears, my dear
You're denying what I say
Don't act like it's okay
'Cos it's not okay

(haha yes I like their music and for this song the words speak to me)
Flattery - Aly & AJ

2007-10-21T22:13:00.000+08:00

Listening to: Potential Breakup Song by Aly & Aj (I hated this song at first but it sorta grew on me xD)

, grace says:
haha
[c=21]¯¨'*·~-.¸¸,.-~*' Ice Queen'¯¨´*·~-.¸¸,.-~*´¨')[/c] says:
wad r u doing?????
`, grace says:
drawing o_O
[c=21]¯¨'*·~-.¸¸,.-~*' Ice Queen'¯¨´*·~-.¸¸,.-~*´¨')[/c] says:
drawing wad?? a pup?? *hopes that it is a puppy*
`, grace says:
haha i can draw a puppy for you ^^
`, grace says:
what kinda puppy?
[c=21]¯¨'*·~-.¸¸,.-~*' Ice Queen'¯¨´*·~-.¸¸,.-~*´¨')[/c] says:
yay~ v^^
[c=21]¯¨'*·~-.¸¸,.-~*' Ice Queen'¯¨´*·~-.¸¸,.-~*´¨')[/c] says:
um...a collie??
`, grace says:
haha
`, grace says:
what colour?
[c=21]¯¨'*·~-.¸¸,.-~*' Ice Queen'¯¨´*·~-.¸¸,.-~*´¨')[/c] says:
coffee coloured...
`, grace says:
HAHA okay
[c=21]¯¨'*·~-.¸¸,.-~*' Ice Queen'¯¨´*·~-.¸¸,.-~*´¨')[/c] says:
thx! =D
[c=21]¯¨'*·~-.¸¸,.-~*' Ice Queen'¯¨´*·~-.¸¸,.-~*´¨')[/c] says:
I'm a yummy cheeseburger...

Therefore...Coffee Puppy was born.

(Uh. That was my cousin.)

FYI, my dA is melancholise. It's a new account, though, so not much on it. Maybe now people will stop asking me o_O

I feel kinda...numb tonight.

2007-10-19T22:40:00.000+08:00

I was reading through my old notebook and shivering because I couldn't face the strength of emotion I felt back then. I wanted to stop but I made myself read all those letters, conversations, rants.

I guess it was kinda stupid of me to let old ghosts come back and haunt me, but I couldn't help it.

I considered telling you how pretty you looked tonight, but decided against it.

RAAAANT--

I hate gossip. I just hate it.
That's not to say I don't gossip. It's my vice too.
But honestly, who cares about which PITs are on probation or who cried when they got their papers back or who likes so-and-so and which people went for a concert together tonight? What purpose does it serve to flaunt how many people you know (but of course, you don't actually know them personally) and how long you can ramble about other people's business?
If they were really your friends, you wouldn't gossip about them. How would you feel if you knew people were discussing/judging you behind your back?
I wanted to tell the people behind me to SHUT UP. But of course, I didn't have the courage. It's the same thing every week.

I'm sorry. This is unlike me, but gossiping is just one of those things that make me burn.

//endrant

I have to block out thoughts of you so I don't lose my head,
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed

The world is so screwed up. Or maybe I'm the one that is.

2007-10-17T20:35:00.000+08:00

Listening to: S.O.S by the Jonas Brothers

This is an S.O.S.
Don't wanna secondguess,
This is the bottom line
It's true
I gave my all for you,
Now my heart's in two
And I can't find the other half
It's like I'm walking on broken glass,
Better believe I bled
It's a call I'll never get

Nearly a year ago this song would have been very applicable.

So this is where the story ends
A conversation on IM
Well I'm done
That's it,
Sorry for the miscommunication

And here's a quiz, because whatever I would blog now...is stuff that should not be posted on a blog. So I'm not gonna blog it.

Pick your birth month.
- Strike out anything that doesn't apply to you.
- Bold those that best apply to you.

Here's mine first, thoughts in italics:

OCTOBER:
Understanding (I hope). Loves to chat. Loves those who love them. Loves to take things at the center (don't understand this one). Inner and physical beauty (hm. I don't know). Lies but doesn't pretend (isn't this contradictory though?). ~~Gets angry often~~. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt (but keeps it inside) ~~but recovers easily~~. Daydreamer. Opinionated (isn't everyone?). ~~Does not care what others think~~. Emotional. ~~Decisive~~. ~~Strong clairvoyance~~ (haha I wish man!). Loves ~~to travel~~, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous (sometimes). Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair (not always, sadly). ~~Spendthrift~~. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.

JANUARY:
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize.Hardworkign and productive. Smart, neaz and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very stubborn and money cautious.

FEBRUARY:
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizes dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

MARCH:
Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.

APRIL:
Active and dynamic. Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving. Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.

MAY:
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-will and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautifully physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. loves traveling. Dislikes being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.

JUNE:
Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

JULY:
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.

AUGUST:
Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride in oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.

SEPTEMBER:
Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people's mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.

OCTOBER:
Understanding. Loves to chat. Loves those who love them. Loves to take things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.

NOVEMBER:
Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never gives up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciate praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable.

DECEMBER:
Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egotistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.

2007-10-14T22:22:00.000+08:00

...while I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight...

Sometimes I don't know which of my demons are real and which are figments of my imagination. Maybe I'm just blind.

God knows what He's doing with my life, but I sure don't.

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you.
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow.
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you.

This is what I've been doing all afternoon. Don't really wanna explain why, so just enjoy.

I surround myself with happy stuff, see.

Off to school tomorrow to paint netcarn banner (tenners, me and joong better not be the only ones lol). RG never leaves us alone, does it?

2007-10-13T11:00:00.000+08:00

When I woke up I loved today. Not immediately, because I woke up with a stomachache (I was dreaming I couldn't find the toilet). But later when I went outside the world was striped with gold and misty with sunlight. It's misty again now, with a light rain.

I'm in love with a song (again xD)

And guess what, it's by a Singaporean band :O Awesome right?

This may sound crazy
It probably is
But could you tell me where
True love is

Just point me in the right direction
I swear I won't make a sound
I'm looking for a neon sign
It's what I haven't found

They say it's gone south
Where all the good things go
You'll see the flashing lights
And you'll know you're home

And there's no fancy name for it
No one knows who Aphrodite is
It's only rain and rainbows
And the promise of bliss
When I get there
It just is

I believe in love
But it's probably not for me
Romance, the chase,
The attractive enigma
No, it's not me

I thought I was there before
But my heart got broken, you see
I've heard it's not easy
But you'll know you're home

And there's no fancy name for it
No one knows who Aphrodite is
It's only rain and rainbows
And the promise of bliss
When I get there
It just is

All these questions, I've got to ask before I go
If I never find it, will you let me know

And there's no fancy name for it
No one knows who Aphrodite is
It's only rain and rainbows
And the promise of bliss
When I get there, it just is

When I get there, it just is

I'm gonna switch to LJ soon. No, I'm not copying anyone/jumping on the bandwagon D< I have been intending to do it for a while.

NANOWRIMO 2007!

November's coming up. November = National Novel Writing Month. Where people all around the world attempt to write a 50000 word long novel in 30 days! That's about 1600+ words per day!

//endadvertisement

But seriously, NaNo is very fun. I participated last year (but only got up to around 10000+ words xDD) and I'm gonna do it again this year. Hmm I hafta think of a plot first.

I think fanfiction isn't allowed grr. Neither is copying and pasting the same word 50000 times. (:

2007-10-12T09:44:00.001+08:00

Name 13 of your friends that you can think of right off the top of your head. Don't read the questions underneath until you wrote the names of all 13 people.This is a lot funnier if you actually randomly list the names first. No Cheating!

(not in order of how much I like you, duh)

1. Rayne
2. Litying
3. Jingxuan
4. JoniKHOO
5. Angie
6. Jazzeh
7. Muni
8. NancyJ
9. Liyana
10. Joongyan
11. Minyee
12. Darrell
13. Wanhui

How did you meet 10?
This year, in 210 (: She's awesome to hang out with and she's such a great Christian.

What would you do if you had never met 2?
I cringe at the thought D: She's my counsellor lol xD And encourager.

What would you do if 6 and 10 dated?
They're straightttttt

Have you ever seen 3 cry?
Once.

Do you think 10 is cute?
In what sense? xD She's more the diao type.

How did you get to know 8?
Last year xDD She's so fun to be around. Hopeless romantic.

Would you ever go on a date with number 12?
I'm straight. But yes I'd definitely go out with you anytime Darrell (:

What's 7's Favorite color?
I suspect it's black. ;_;

What would you do if 6 confessed she/he loved you?
Haha...yaoi is getting to your brain Jaz...

Fact about 9:
She draws awesomely. And she likes to bite people.

Who is 4 steading with?
No-one. But if she way, it'd probably be some Korean guy.

Who is number 5 to you?
A funny and huggly and understanding friend <3

Would you ever live with 13?
She can do all the cooking :D

Is 1 single?
Ask her yourself.

Where does 7 live?
Sembawaaaaaaaang!

What do you think about 3?
What a weirdo. No, seriously, she's nice. And game for anything so we do weird stuff together. (Like walking to Far East in the rain. Four people + two umbrellas = wet wet wet!)

What's the best thing about number 8?
She's so independent. She doesn't care what others think, she'll do what she wants/knows is right.

What do you like about number 11?
Minyee! Here I shall prove you wrong on your opinion that I hate you :D I love the fact that you're so intelligent and witty when you talk. Your sarcasm is so hilarious and you always have something to say. And you're frank (:

Favorite Memory with 13?
HAHAHAHAHAHA I don't know which one. Maybe it was that Physics lesson. See, she has this thing for glue. So she glued my colour pencil box to the table. And Mr S came around and he was like, "Girls, what are you doing?" And WH lied to him with a straight face! She LIED D: And I hit her and she started laughing her head off and the people behind asked her what we were doing and everyone started laughing. And Mr S asked us why we were laughing and they said "Because we're happy."
Haha sitting with her was really a rollercoaster ride. I felt sorry for Mr S though ):

I just felt like doing a quiz. (:

EOYs over. Grr but I'm never free, there's still Netcarn banner and Buckle banner/website/stuff and tuition and piano. Nooooooooo haha but at least most of it's over.

And I feel perfectly normal now.

2007-10-10T12:28:00.001+08:00

I feel sick ):

Tummyache ):

And slightly nauseous/dizzy

I wanna lie down and sleep. Hm. It's a tempting thought.

2007-10-08T20:08:00.001+08:00

I have to stop feeling this way. It's wrong.

It melts me inside. Which feels nice.

And yet it leaves me empty.

Ah, I'm not sad, don't worry (;

And I'm trying to trust God.

Random Quote:
"Look! That blade of grass is so green!" - Joni

Three more days, three more papers.

2007-10-07T19:45:00.000+08:00

Just had an awesome weekend :D I feel the best I've had in a long time (other than some Monday blues)

Thanks Angie for inviting me to your baptism :D

Because I think I have my faith in God back now.

Quote Joongyan: "...when He's far away, things fall apart."

And it's so true.

How could I have ever left His side in the first place?

And thanks Joni for taking me to your church today :D

It's very different from mine, but I think it's great.

And also thanks a lot a lot to Litying for constantly smsing me to check up on me and whether I was being emo!

And thanks to the person who added 100 hugs to the hug counter thing o_O I can't think of anyone with a four-letter name who would do that. (Hmm. Muni?)

Updated List Of Things To Do After The Exams

- DRAW.
- Do more volunteer work at the SL place :D
- Go shopping.
- Think.
- Buckle banner/website/planning etc. Important!
- Sleep.
- Get my dad/Angie to teach me guitar
- Netcarn banner! Important!
- Read
- Write
- Switch to livejournal (can't crack the design code x( )

It's the middle of mugfest, but I'm burying my stress for the moment.

2007-10-06T08:45:00.000+08:00

I dreamt of you last night. You turned a nightmare into a tolerable bad dream.

2007-10-05T15:16:00.001+08:00

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Gracey!

The colour of gracey is no indication of her spiciness, but size usually is!
Gracey can use only about ten percent of her brain.
Gracey was named after Gracey the taxi driver in Frank Capra's 'It's a Wonderful Life'.
US gold coins used to say 'In gracey we trust'!
99 percent of the pumpkins sold in the US end up as gracey.
About one tenth of gracey is permanently covered in ice!
Marie Antoinette never said 'let them eat cake' - this is a mistranslation of 'let them eat gracey'!
Gracey can pollinate up to six times more efficiently than the honeybee.
The canonical hours of the Christian church are matins, lauds, prime, terce, sext, none, gracey and compline!
In her entire life, gracey will produce only a twelfth of a teaspoon of honey!

The only thing that really made me smile today.

I pollinate...lol...

Exams...-shrugs-

2007-10-03T20:37:00.000+08:00

I think I blog more when I'm busy. That's because blogging is a form of procrastination.

I feel kinda...calm tonight. I know what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna read up on euthanasia (hey, Philo isn't all that bad). And I'm going out with JX tomorrow to Subway and we can sit there and mug geog together :D Yay, a friend, food and intelligent conversation (even if it's all about demographic transition models).

Haven't replied tags for ages. Too lazy ;_; But thanks all for tagging, thanks for all the love and comments (:

I miss my seatmate already. I hope you find your RS draft and not get killed by Mseah, Wanhui.

//EDIT: More stuff, because I more or less finished mugging Philo, yay.

Ten Random Thoughts

1. Sharing is good. It blesseth (s)he who gives and (s)he who takes lol but it's true.
2. Forgiveness is good too. It feels so wonderful to forgive/be forgiven, really. (hinthint to some people?)
3. WANHUI CAN LIE WITH A STRAIGHT FACE! LOLLLL (yes she pronounces lol like that O: lolllll)
4. Hilary Swank is an awesome actress.
5. I am a touchy feely kind of person.
6. I'm missing someone right now. Three someones, actually.
7. Euthanasia is WRONG.
8. I like the song Lips Of An Angel by Hinder <3
9. -sleepy-
10. I want a hug ): )):

Things To Do After The Exams

- DRAW.
- Do more volunteer work at the SL place :D
- Go shopping.
- Think.
- Buckle banner/website/planning etc. Important!
- Sleep.
- More stuff I can't remember

OOOONE DAAAAY TO EOYSSSSSSS

2007-10-01T19:04:00.000+08:00

GRR. My mouse isn't working.

.t.y.i.n.g.s. says:
just get started.
.t.y.i.n.g.s. says:
its very tiring i know.
.t.y.i.n.g.s. says:
i had to DRAG myself to do it the other time
.t.y.i.n.g.s. says:
but because there was this SOMETHING nagging inside me
.t.y.i.n.g.s. says:
like. you know what. just go lock yourself in the room and study.
.t.y.i.n.g.s. says:
then i gave myself abit of incentive. like. hey. lets switch on the aircon
.t.y.i.n.g.s. says:
abit of luxury to get me going.
`, grace says:
ha ha
.t.y.i.n.g.s. says:
so i locked myself in the room. with the aircon

.t.y.i.n.g.s. says:
with my notes and files
.t.y.i.n.g.s. says:
what else could i do?
.t.y.i.n.g.s. says:
uh. study lor.
`, grace says:
that's smart
.t.y.i.n.g.s. says:
so i started reading. no distractions. no clock. (else i'll start checking the time)
.t.y.i.n.g.s. says:
just keep going.
`, grace says:
maybe i'll try that tonight when i get home
.t.y.i.n.g.s. says:
plus when you KNOW that you have to study. you will. in the right environment.
.t.y.i.n.g.s. says:
mmhmm do that! (:
.t.y.i.n.g.s. says:
and no noise would be good too.
.t.y.i.n.g.s. says:
no clock. thats for me. not sure for you.
.t.y.i.n.g.s. says:
no handphone. nothing.

.t.y.i.n.g.s. says:
ohyes.
.t.y.i.n.g.s. says:
no pillow. no bolster.
.t.y.i.n.g.s. says:
blanket if you must
.t.y.i.n.g.s. says:
but nothing too comfy
.t.y.i.n.g.s. says:
no food
.t.y.i.n.g.s. says:
haha

I guess it really helps to have someone who's older there, someone who's been through it all already (: Yes and I am going to study now.

But _____, I still love you. Please don't walk away. I still need you there. Even if you don't need me...?

2007-10-01T14:02:00.000+08:00

Been blogsurfing. My mugging motivation sort of...faded away. -shrugs- Don't care much at this point.

Why does everyone seem so shallow all of a sudden? And happy? Why is everyone so happy?

Maybe I'm just being hypocritical.

No, I know I am. As well as being self-centred and hateful.

Am I really that different? Have I changed so much?

"I'm glad you are still the person I liked since P5"

I'm flattered, but I'm not that girl you remember, you know. I don't think you'd believe me if I told you.

I'm avoiding Facebook like hell (no, I do NOT have an account). It's way too addictive. Like drugs. And somehow I just don't like the stuff you do on there. I mean, like, fight your friends? How is that fun?

Been listening to a song over and over again. Wanhui wrote it in my notebook.

I'm No Good by Amy Winehouse.
(Click above. Warning: the video is slightly explicit)
Meet you downstairs in the bar and hurt,
Your rolled up sleeves in your skull t-shirt,
You say "What did you do with him today?",
And sniffed me out like I was Tanqueray,
'Cause you're my fella my guy.
Hand me your Stella and fly,
By the time I'm out the door,
You tear men down like Roger Moore.

I cheated myself,
Like I knew I would,
I told you I was trouble,
You know that I'm no good.

Upstairs in bed with my ex boy,
He's in a place but I can't get joy,
Thinking on you in the final throes,
This is when my buzzer goes,
Run out to meet you, chips and pitta,
You say, "when we're married",
'cause you're not bitter,
"There'll be none of him no more,"
I cried for you on the kitchen floor.

I cheated myself,
Like I knew I would,
I told you I was trouble,
You know that I'm no good.

Sweet reunion Jamaica and Spain,
We're like how we were again,
I'm in the tub, you on the seat,
Lick your lips as I soap my feet,
Then you notice likkle carpet burn,
My stomach drops and my guts churn,
You shrug and it's the worst,
Who truly stuck the knife in first.

I cheated myself,
Like I knew I would,
I told you I was trouble,
You know that I'm no good.

I think I don't trust God enough. Guilt's eating away at me.

...I'm gonna shut up now.

2007-10-01T12:10:00.000+08:00

My eyes hurt. Crying does this to me.

Feels good, though.

I haven't really blogged in a long time. Guess I don't have anything to blog that people would want to read. Or would think was true.

-shrugs-

Happy birthday, Litying. I wish you were here-

2007-09-28T22:48:00.000+08:00

The angel threw away her halo in a fit of anger, and then she couldn't find it again.

She pulled the feathers out of her wings to give to sad people, then realised she couldn't fly.

But some people make me so happy (:

I like this song. But the music video is so weird it's FUNNY lol xD

Torn - Natalie Imbruglia

2007-09-25T20:31:00.001+08:00

Pardon me
I don't mean to waste your time,
I just need someone to talk to
If you don't mind?

Then the thoughts of loneliness
That tonight I guess I'm to just to weak to fight,
I can take the lonely days,
But I can't take these lonely nights.

Lonely Nights - Mickey Gilley

This song just struck me, because it's so appropiate. Some songs...you wonder if the writer was thinking of you when he wrote them.

If you read that, maybe you knew what I meant.

RS is OUT...

...EOYS are IN.

Quote Of The Day

-Ms Yeo looks at badge on Tricia's pencilcase-

" 'I love Linkin Park' ".

-laughter-

"Where's Linkin Park? Is that where you stay?"

LOL (:

2007-09-24T22:28:00.000+08:00

I need to draw. Really neeeeeeeeeeed. It's such an annoying feeling ):

The ideas are floating around it my head itching to come out of my hands.

The artist's curse ):

): ):

Singapore Art Museum is cool. Very cool (:

I have a list of dreams/goals :D But I shall post it next time, along with a list of Things To Do After The Exams.

2007-09-21T22:55:00.001+08:00

I love the way you say my name. It sounds so good in your voice.

You get it all right; the intonation, syllables, pronounciation. The way you say it makes me smile, and remember.

(I'm not in love, though I once might've been. I just love the way you say my name, though you rarely have reason to.)

2007-09-21T15:54:00.000+08:00

We all talk too much and listen too little, sometimes; when there is no chatter and gossip echoing in our skulls we are faced bleakly with our own empty-headedness.

I need to find my centre of gravity.

2007-09-19T21:49:00.000+08:00

I realised something. When I sleep late...like...two am...I'll be normal the next day. But over the next two or three days I'll be exhausted all the time.

Sleeping late lowers my immune system's defences too. Hmm. I think I'm falling sick.

- Constant tiredness
- Hot prickly feeling behind eyes
- Dizzy
- Throat hurts

I wouldn't mind missing school for a couple of days, actually. But then again I would.

I should listen to Litying more often and sleep early. (:

-sidetracked-

Wanhui my dear funny seatmate says I have a selective memory. I can memorise her Lit quote faster than her, but I stupidly forgot the OBS form o_O

Hmm. I think I have selective blur-ness too.

-sidetracked again-

I read a book that said, "Every person has a limited capacity for friendship, but every person's capacity for friendship is different."

Which means you can only support so many close friendships before you're emotionally exhausted.

Very true, isn't it?

I think I'm reaching my limit.

Some days I wish I could meet nobody at all; be a stranger among strangers. Strangers judge you on appearance, but it doesn't matter, because they're just strangers.

Whereas it hurts when friends judge you on what's inside.

I'm tired. I wanna sleep. There's stuff to do, though.

2007-09-16T18:46:00.001+08:00

F1: Szemin
F2: Litying
F3: Minyee
F4: Nancy J
F5: Angie

M1: Sikai
M2: Jason
M3: Huan Hock
M4: Shayne (My cousin's adorable five-year-old son :D)
M5: Stanley

O1: Tablet
O2: Tube of M&Ms...I want some...
O3: My handphone
O4: My Warriors books collection (5/6 of which is in the hands of F5 ;_;)
O5: ACP money which I haven't submitted Dx

Questions:
What if F1 and M2 dated?
That'd be weird...but maybe they'd get along, you never know (;

What if M5 ate O1?
I'd never let him D: D:

Are M4 and F2 compatible?
Hello...they are... -counts- eleven years apart o_O

Would you buy 03 as a present for F2?
If I had money, if she wanted to change her handphone (: Cos my handphone is COOL.

How did you meet F3?
Haha...this year...

How did you meet M1?
We became best friends in P5.

What would you do if M1 and M4 dated?
What's with the pairing up of my five-year-old relative? He's way too young. Anyway they're both STRAIGHT.

What's the probability of matchmaking F1 and O5?
Who doesn't want money? [: But no way, the cooking teacher would kill me.

Does F4 like 04?
She's never read them. But I don't think so. She'd probably prefer a romantic deep novel.

How are you related to M1?
Pri school friend (:

Describe F2:
Caring, optimistic, thoughtful, extroverted (:

What if M3 went overseas?
Haha...go ahead, Huanie (; Have fun.

Does M4 look like O2?
WELL...they're both likeable...and...cute?

Select an object from the list to describe M2.
The Warriors books! BECAUSE he loves Warriors too :DDD

~~~*~~~

Today
1. Is: chiong homework day!
2. Got any plans: Well...geog article...chinese book review...chinese zuowen...and RS Dx
3. Dislikes about tomorrow: School day! With lotsa stuff due ;_;

Best
1. Friends: Just look at my profile, willya?
2. Vacation: Skiing in Canada :D
3. Day of the week: None, really. They all have their cons this year.
4. Food: The kind eaten while having good conversation with friends (:
5. Memory: A lot (:

Last
1. Person you saw: Mum.
2. Talked to on the phone: Mum.
3. Hugged: Litying or Szemin I think (:
4. Person you texted: Mum xD

Favorites
1. Number(s) : 4!
2. Song: Currently...hm..."How to Save a Life" - The Fray
3. Color: Green and orange :D
4. Season: Winter!

Currently
1. Missing someone: Oh, all the time.
2. Mood: Stresseddddd

True or False
I am a morning person: True! And afternoon as well (:
I am a perfectionist: I wish, man. Carelessness is a big flaw for me ):
I am an only child: Nope.
I am currently in my pajamas: Nope. Tshirt and shorts.
I am online 24/7: Haha. No.
I am very shy around the opposite gender: I'm more shy around my own gender.
I can be paranoid at times: Aha! Yes!
I currently regret something that I have done: Many thingas.
I enjoy talking on the phone: Depends on who I'm talking to.
I have a secret: What a DUMB question. This is a blog ;_; Why would I post a secret here?

I'm only doing quizzes because I can't think of anything to blog. Rather, I think of stuff, and I realise I shouldn't blog them cos they're too personal. Anyway I shouldn't even be blogging. I have too much stuff to do. Toodles.

quiz

2007-09-10T22:30:00.000+08:00

A quiz dragged out from Szemin's old blog archives xD

Name 24 people at the top of your head:

(Just because you're not in here doesn't mean I don't like you, and vice versa.)

1. Rayne
2. Litying
3. Nancy
4. Jaz
5. Muni
6. Jingxuan
7. Darrell
8. Minyee
9. Joongyan
10. Angie
11. Joni
12. Christina
13. Sikai
14. Jason
15. Liyana
16. Mandi
17. Florence
18. Elizabeth (senior)
19. Shinhuoy
20. Sabby
21. Wanhui
22. Jiaxuan
23. Beiqing
24. Jovenna

Now for the questions:

1. Is 9 single?
Uhuh.

2. Would you date 20?
HAHA! Sabby, hold your breath! Sorry, I'm straight. If she was a guy, I might though (;

3. Is 17 a guy or girl?
Girl. I'm pretty sure. (Florry my da jie <3)

4. Has 15 and 2 ever dated?
WEIRD question. But apart from the fact they're both girls, I don't think they're compatible.

5. Are you older/younger than 3?
Um. Younger, I think.

6. Have you ever seen 7 naked?
No...that's just wrong...

7. Where does 19 live?
LOL I have no idea, you know.

8. When was the last time you saw 12?
When I went back to SHPS on TD. She's my cousin; from St Hilda's too. We do a lot of weird stuff together at family gatherings [:

9. Ever watched a movie with 5?
No. But we must do it someday hm Muni? (:

10. How tall is 23?
Taller than me ;__;

11. Do you love 16?
This question just stopped me in my tracks. Why does it have to be 16? I'm not answering this.

12. Do you go to the same school as 14?
Nope. He went to Anglican High.

13. Have you ever had classes with 11?
Every day? (:

14. Where was 21 born?
Singapore, I'm pretty sure.

15. Have you ever hugged 18?
I will someday xD

16. What's 8's middle name?
Literally, she doesn't have one. Figuratively, it should be sacarstic or something. -ducks a blow-

17. Is 13 a nice person?
Yes! Primary school BEST friend (:

18. Would you rather 1 die, or you die?
ME. Not Szemin, never Szemin.

19. Is 4 older than you?
By a few months (:

20. Would you kiss 24?
Not without a good reason (:

21. Have you ever swum with 16?
No-o...

22. When's 10's birthday?
Oops. -guilty- Um...was it...June? Haha SORRY Angie I don't know!

23. Have you ever been to a party with 19 or 17?
19 - artclub bday celebrations? (: 17 - HAHA! YESS I will always REMEMBER (;

24. Are 22 and 24 good friends?
They're acquainted.

25. Will 3 and 7 make a good couple?
No...they're both the type who always get chosen to act guys. Like, like Willy Wonka.

26. Has 15 ever given you a birthday present?
Haha no she's too blur to remember birthdays, just like me. But it's okay, having her around is gift enough.

27. How long have you known 13?
Since Primary 4.

28. If 5 and 19 were drowning, who would you save?
This quiz is so...ugh. Can either of you swim?

29. Will 2 be willing to kiss 6?
Probably not.

30. Pass this on to 3, 4, 7, 16, 18, 22, 23.
Nah, you guys don't have to do it.

---------Tagreplies <3
Rayne - xD I WAS THAT WAY TOO! Lol don't worry I won't reveal your dA. If you don't reveal mine ;)
Darrell - Yes he is like the coolest dawg I've ever drawn <3 :D
Binkee - Why does everyone keep talking about Buzz Lightyear? <_< Anyway I think everyone's gonna have a hard time with the theme ): What's Atonement about?
Litying - Anatomy is very very important xDD I shall draw you a picture someday. A real picture, not some ugly sushi ^^"
Muni - Now Jaz wants to call me Bernelli lol but actually it's quite a cool name. Bernelli, not Grace I mean. But yes, Grace is a cool name too (:
Abi - Archives? xD I dunno! I've been trying to figure it out for a long time. About the title, you have to look for the code that goes [title][/title] (only with a <> instead of a []) and type your title in between. It should be near the top (:
Minyee - I don't know. Attention, I guess. Territorial rights. Oh and I feel so guilty. 'Cos I told my cousin's four year old son that the orange cat was bad and the black and white one was good! Cos I liked the black and white one who is very affectionate and insecure (the orange one is a big bully). So he THREW WATER at the orange cat D:

buckle camp

2007-09-07T19:38:00.000+08:00

House camp was great this year (:

Too physically/emotionally tired now to say much, but yeah, it was great.

I have the feeling Buckle is gonna rock the school next year. Let's hope it's right (;

(Theme for next year: Buckle and Beyond! Which I don't really understand either ;__;)

So many things I wanted - want to say, but I guess I didn't have the courage and now it's too late. So many walls, so little time, and it hurts...

2007-09-05T15:48:00.000+08:00

I haven't drawn anything in Paint for...for eons. Seriously...I know the anatomy is all messed up (coughcough head too big, ears too long and far apart, legs too short, body too short, tail too long, paws facing the wrong way, face is asymmetrical, you get the picture)

Anyway it was just a doodle. Of the extremely possessive cat who lurks outside my house. The cats fight over me ):

Buckle camp tomorrow. I'm excited yay (: I don't sound very excited, but that's because the computer is turning my brain to mush.

Tagreplies <3>

Yifei - You know, I miss you a lot too. I wish we were in the same class again ): But of course with you being so smart (I know you're in self-denial about it, HA) you had to go to 213 xD Thanks for last year!)

Sabby - You must show me your drawings too kay! Your chibis are CUTE CUTE CUTE. Sigh, another person who's in self-denial >D

Shinhuoy - HELLO <3

Darrell - Yes yes yes watch it! It's really worth it ;D

Litying - I don't mind spam (: Especially not by YOU. You're probably watching Hairspray now lol hope you're enjoying it :D Reading all that Scorpio stuff made me feel weird because it didn't make much sense, so I guess you're right - it doesn't work for everybody. (:

Binkee - Why ): What have I done? I will not be provoked! I will turn the other cheek! ;)

ooovies

2007-09-02T21:04:00.000+08:00

Three movies in two days.

- No Spoilers -

881 - This is really sad and sweet, made me cry like mad. Hokkien songs are very emo. ("Everyone has their own dreams, so why am I obsessed with you?")A little draggy, but still nice to watch. A lot of crude jokes, though. ("Stop playing with that cock!" - it was a chicken, ahem)

Ratatouille - CUTE (: I must do some fanart soon. The dialogue was a little cheesy, though ("Follow your heart..." etcetc). The animation and camera angles were good - I want to draw like Disney one day!

Hairspray - Fantastic! IMHO, it was the best of the three. Funny without being crude, touching without being stereotypical or emo, and the singing and dancing is to die for. I've got to get the DVD somehow :O It's the kind of movie that makes you wanna watch it over and over.

<3

Movies I want to watch:
Enchanted
Evan Almighty
Arctic Tale
No Reservations

Art:

This was for a person whose dog died. T.T

Hahaha. PINK!

It's an opossum. ._.;

As you can see, I hate colouring in line. ^^;

2007-09-01T11:52:00.000+08:00

I feel unhappy ):

Probably partly 'cos I've been listening to this song over and over again for the past few days. Trying to memorise it, but it's so hard.

And no close friends are online ):

I dreamt I went to buy an eraser last night. I wanted to buy this black one that smelt like cinnamon o__O Yes I do need to buy a new eraser.

Why am I blogging? There isn't really anything I want to say.

//EDIT

Oh yeah. Just realised I could blog about yesterday.

Not many people changed that much, I find. At least, not on the outside.

Sikai, Gabriel, Magneline, Jer Lin, Jiehui, Jeremy, Kenneth they seem the same as ever. Stanley's the same, but taller (again Dx). Huanie's hair sticks up more o__O

Jason didn't come back. Why ):

We went all around the school and relieved our memories. The ecogarden (locked! D:), hall (same stinky sock smell), placed where we used to play 'Vampire' (this catching game where the catchers turned their collars up, hence the name), old classrooms (the mouse locker! HAHA), the drama room...

Saw our old teachers. They haven't changed that much either. Wanglaoshi's on maternity leave again.

I miss SHPS days, when I was so...blithely happy. My life was satisfied with Warriors, games like vampire and string king and the guys' beyblade-and-soap-on-chairs, drawing ugly drawings, writing bad compos, eating bananas for recess, doing ALL my homework, pet mice, inventing secret codes...

Life in RGS is so much more complicated.

The world's bigger now. I've changed, I know I have. As in, in SHPS I was nice and unaware of it, so I kept being nice. In RGS I'm still nice and aware of it, so I have to struggle to keep being nice.

Does that even make sense?

This is off Angie's blog-

At YMCA kindergarten (lol)I had Yingling
At Changkat Primary I had Khaleeda, Nurul, Simin, Qianhui.
At SHPS I had Sikai, Jason, Clarice and to a lesser extent everybody else.
At RGS I have Szemin (Rayne)! Jazlyn Munirah JX Nancy Liyana, Angie Joni. Minyee Darrell. (had?) Mandi and Florence? Litying my counsellor xD.

P.S. Sikai, Jason, we must go watch movie in December kay? Third one after Sharkboy&Lavagirl and Corpse Bride xD I didn't realised how much I missed you until yesterday. No, it's not really weird to go watch a movie with two guys.

Ooh, I'm going to watch 881 and Ratatouille (rat-a-tooie!) with my family later.

astrology

2007-08-29T20:56:00.000+08:00

I don't believe in astrology ):

Out of curiosity I was looking up my star sign (Scorpio) and I find it doesn't really fit me...

[quotes from astrology-online.com]

"They relate to fellow workers only as leaders and can be blunt to those they dislike to the point of cruelty. In fact they are not above expressing vindictiveness in deliberate cruelty. They are too demanding, too unforgiving of faults in others, perhaps because they are not aware of the shortcomings within themselves, and extravagantly express their self-disgust in unreasonable resentment against their fellows."

Am I like that? If you ever notice me doing any of the above, TELL ME. I do not. Ever. Want to become like that ><

"Any profession in which analysis, investigation, research, dealing with practicalities, and the solving of mysteries are relevant, can appeal to them. So police and detective work, espionage and counterespionage, the law, physics or psychology may attract them, and they can become masters of the written and spoken word."

Uh...my logical skills are not very good... .__.; And physics is a big no-no.

"...Scorpios can become sadistic monsters of sensuality and eroticism."

...no comments.

Oh, but there is a bit that is true.

"...they are deeply sensitive and easily moved by their emotions."

I am that.

Basically Scorpios are supposed to be intensely emotional and strong-willed/rebellious and harsh on those around them, but very intelligent...and...uh..."utterly unscrupulous terrorists"?

I'm not really like that, am I? But maybe my view of myself is clouded. Someone who knows me, please tell me.

2007-08-26T21:21:00.000+08:00

Haha. Another quiz. Off Jingxuan.

"THINGS YOU’VE DONE"

If you have done any of these things, bold them.
If you want to do any of these things, italicise them.

(my comments are in black like this)

Snuck out of the house.
Thrown popcorn at people’s heads in a movie theater.
Flown on a plane.
Failed a test.
Highlighted/Dyed your hair. (maybe when I’m older)
Skipped school.
Bought something and never wore it.
Swore in front of your parents.
Been called a slut/whore/etc.
Drank alcohol.
Gone out with a good friend.
Regretted something.
Watched TV for 8+ hours straight.
Been in a physical fight. (only a playfight, with my bro when we were younger)
Been to a concert.
Shopped in a big city.
Gotten a manicure/pedicure.
Broken the law. (hehe not putting on seatbelt in the car…)
Ran from the cops.
Had a random conversation with someone you don’t even know.
Gossiped. (this makes me feel ashamed.)
Forgotten a close friend/ family member’s birthday.
Called an infomercial number.
Stayed up all night. (nearly)
Completed a jigsaw puzzle by yourself.
Talked back to a teacher.
Changed something about yourself to impress someone. (oh, I’ve tried.)
Spent New Year in Times Square.
Gone out with someone for their looks.

"NAME BOLD."

If you know someone with one of these names, bold it.

Ashley
Andrew
Anna
Anthony
Brittany
Blake
Celeste
Cameron
Danielle
Derek
Elizabeth
Elliot
Felicia
Frank
Gabriella
Gage
Hilary
Hunter
Irene
Isaac
Jacklyn
Jim
Kristin
Kirk
Lacy
Lukas
Melissa
Marcus
Nicole
Nate
Olivia
Owen
Paige
Paul
Quinn
Rachel
Randy
Sally
Sophia
Sebastian
Tessa
Trent
Veronica
Vincent
Whitney
Weston
Yvonne
Zoe
Zach

"RANDOM BOLD."

Bold all that apply to you.

I have more than 1 best friend.
I don’t own a cellphone.
I have pictures everywhere in my room.
I’m not one of those people that goes to starbucks because I think going there makes me cool. (I do it for the frappucino…)
I like to draw. (YES!)
My nails are painted at the moment.
I wear sweats everyday.
I hate rap music. (depends.)
My favorite number is 6.
I’ve lived in the same town/city all my life.
I looooooove movies.
I know every word to at least one movie.
I’m into photography. (would take it up if I had time)
I own trophies for things I’ve won.
I’m blonde.
I’ve read all the gossip girl books.
My name starts with an "A".
I own a dog. (I want!)
I’ve been to more than 10 states in the United States.
I’m bored.

Chinese PT tomorrow. I'm scared.

Looking forward to Teachers' Day/end of term/Buckle house camp. Have the feeling I'm not gonna have much of a holiday, though.

2007-08-25T21:26:00.000+08:00

I feel like posting some songs, so...hope the html doesn't get messed up.

Where'd You Go - Fort Minor
This song makes me want to cry.

...where'd you go?
I miss you so -
seems like forever
since you've been gone...

Move Along - The All American Rejects
Good advice there (:

...and even when your hope is gone, move along, move along, just the way ya do...

All Good Things (Come to an End) - Nelly Furtado
This song is disturbing, but I love it very much.

Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why must all good things come to an end?

Real Girl - Mutya Buena
This is what we should all aspire to (:

I'll never pretend to be something I'm not
You got what you see when you see what I got

Soulmate for Everyone - Natasha Bedingfield
I like the chorus.

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told?

-------Tag Replies!

Litying - Letters written. Nothing to say here, then xD
Rayne - I like the butter and garlic :DD
Darrell - I'll try, I promise (: You too! Argh I dreamt about chinese pt last night. A semi-nightmare.
Minyee - Oh, that's good. I'm really not scared of you, you know; it's just fun to pretend.
Angie - YOU OWE ME TEN BUCKS LOL :D
Binkeepinky - Oh ya! He's an "exceptionally gifted woman" xD
Jason - Hey, haven't seen you for a...long time. Maybe you're right :\
Sabby - Ello! :D Draw draw draw!

sdsdsd

2007-08-22T18:31:00.000+08:00

This is off Litying ^^ She does fun quizzes.

1. Ever been given an engagement ring?
No xD
2.Last gift you received?
Hm. A box of sweets? Haha my auntie gave them to me.
3.Ever dropped a cellphone?
YES a lot a lot of times! But my handphone’s very durable ^^”
4.When's the last time you worked out?
Uhhh….used to go to the gym with my mum. But stopped a long time ago ):
5.Things you spend a lot of money on?
Lol. Books? Art supplies, too ^^
6.Last food you ate?
Mars bar. Everyone needs chocolate once in a while (:
7.First thing you notice about the opposite sex?
Expression.
8.One favourite song?
Flames to Dust, by Nelly Furtado.
9.High school you attended?
…RGS?
10.Cell phone service provider?
Starhub.
11.Favourite mall?
Ngee Ann City (Taka, Kino, Artfriend and that cool toy store!)
12.Longest job you had?
Helping out in my auntie’s pizza shop? .__.
13.Do you own a pair of dice?
Why should I?
14.Do you prank call people?
Don’t have the guts xD
15.Last wedding you attended?
Mother’s cousin’s, a few months ago (haha and during the dinner I was reading RS notes on marriage! Conincidental O.o).
16.First friend you called if you won the lottery?
I’m never going to buy ^^
17.Favourite fast food restaurant?
Subway :D But it’s a bit on the ex side. Their cookies are the <3 though.
18.Biggest lie you ever heard?
Can’t remember…
19.Where's your favourite place to eat with friends?
In the canteen at our favourite round table xD
20.Can you cook?
With a recipe xD
21.Best kisser?
Not much experience <_<
22.Last time you cried?
Well…not too long ago…
23.Most disliked food?
Tofu DD: Or maybe tomatoes.
24.What do you like most about yourself?
Optimism? And artistic talent.
25.Thing you dislike most about yourself?
LOL I’m a procrastinator.
26.Longest shift you worked in your life?
Never worked before.
27.Favourite movie?
I like Disney movies <3
28.Can you sing?
To…a certain extent.
29.One thing you never leave your house without?
Handphone.
30.Last concert you attended?
Does selling flowers outside count? xD
31.Last movie you rented?
Don’t rent them (:
32.Favourite vacation spot?
I like Canada :DD Oh I want to study overseas in an European country next time.
33.Laptop or desktop computer?
On the desktop now.
34.Favourite comedian?
Hehe. That Singaporean guy who dresses up as a girl…forgot his name…
35.Do you smoke?
Never!
36.Sleep with or without clothes?
With >_>
37.Who sleeps with you every night?
Um. Soft toys – reindeer, wolf, cheetah, duck, cat, dog, dog number two, dog number three, ostrich…yeah, and I hug the pillow.
38.Do long distance relationships work?
Not close ones.
39.Pancakes or french toast?
Oh snap. Can’t decide. Arghhhh. Can I have both?
40.Do you like coffee?
Neutral.
41.How do you like your eggs?
Soft boiled and omelette!
42.Do you believe in astrology?
Nope. Scorpio, though.
43.Last person you talked to on the phone?
My mum (:
44.Last person on your missed call list?
My piano teacher. Oops.
45.What was the last text message you received?
Deleted! But the most recent one in my inbox…okay nevermind, I don’t think I should type it out.
47.What are you wearing right now?
School uniform xD
48.Pick a lyric:
”Sould in the wind must learn how to bend” – If We Hold on Together
49.What kind of jelly would you like on your PB & J?
Blackcurrant?
50.Can you play pool?
Eh…not really.
51.Can you swim?
Yep.
52.Favourite ice cream?
Coooooookies and creeeeeeeeaaaaaaam <3
53.Do you like maps?
Neutral, I guess. I like looking at the maps in front of fantasy books, though.
54.Tell me a random fact about yourself:
My smile is 3.5 cm wide (((:
55.Ever attended a theme party?
Haha. –remembers- The theme kind of got lost somewhere along the way.
56.What is your favourite season?
Winter! Snow!
57.Last time you laughed at something stupid?
Today. I went into class and realised I was on the wrong floor xDD
58.What time did you wake up this morning?
5.30 am
59.Best thing about winter?
Snow! Skiing!
60.Last time a cop gave you a ticket?
I can’t drive xD
61.Name of your first pet?
Whiskers. He was a mouse ^^ He had a brother, too – Crumbs. Then there was Cream and Fawn and Sable and Roan and all the rest of the little baby mice ;_;
62.Do you think pirates are cool or overated?
Overrated. Rather, modern portrayals of them are inaccurate D<
63.What are you doing this weekend?
Nothing much.
64.What do you want to be?
ARTIST xD Or I can teach piano for a steady source of income.
65.Are you on a laptop?
Nope.
66.Are you smiling?
Now I am!
67.Do you miss someone right now?
-sighs-
68.If you could go anywhere in the world where would you go?
I’d stay here.
69.Are you in high school?
The Singaporean equivalent.
70.Do you have a crush?
HAHA. Not really/currently.
71.What's your favourite name?
I don’t know. Never really thought about it
72.What colour is your bathing suit?
Black/grey. I used to have a green one and whenever I swam I looked a lot like a FROGGIE o.O
73.Does your school start in August?
Nope.
74.Did you go on a vacation last month?
No. I think I’m going somewhere year-end though.
75.Have you ever been on a cruise?
Yes!
76.Do you have a sister?
No…

-------------------------------------------------------------

RED IS ANGER
1. Are you currently mad at someone?
Nope.
2. Which of your family members has the worst temper?
MY BRO ):
3. Have you ever thrown something at anyone?
Only in fun (: Like pillows.
4. Is anyone mad at you?
I really hope not.
5. Are you usually mad?
No!
6. When you're mad do you prefer to stare angrily or yell?
I keep quiet and look blank.

ORANGE IS EXCITEMENT
1. Has anyone ever thrown a surprise party for you?
No…
2. What event is coming up that you're most excited about?
Hm…nothing much coming up.
3. If you won a million dollars, what would be your first thought?
…yay!
4. If you could have anything right now what would it be?
(same as the person I got this from) Time. It’s very much needed/wanted.

YELLOW IS SELF DISCOVERY
1. Name
Grace
2. Birthday
241093
3. What's your main goal in life?
To serve Christ and make those around me happy
4. Do you want to have children?
We’ll see when I get older.
5. When do you want to die?
Sometime soon…no I’m not suicidal. What I mean is, the last days are coming. And somehow…I’d rather they weren’t in my lifetime.

GREEN IS OPINIONS
1. Are you against gay marriage?
I’m not sure. The Bible says it's wrong, but my heart says why not.
2. Lower the drinking age?
It's okay.
3. Capital Punishment?
Depends on the seriousness of the crime.
4. Abortion?
No!

BLUE IS LOVE
1. Do you love someone?
Yes, of course.
2. Do you believe in love at first sight?
No. I mean, you can crush someone at first sight, but love entails something far more intimate. “Love is an conscious decision to put a person before yourself.”
3. Do you believe in love?
Definitely.

PURPLE IS Q & As
Q: How many beds did you lie in today?
One (:
Q: What colour shirt are you wearing?
White blouse, dark blue pinafore.
Q: Name one thing that you do everyday?
Draw.
Q: How much cash do you have on you right now?
My wallet’s outside. But I have 10 < amount of cash < 50. Haha need to return my mum eight bucks.
Q: Look to your left. What's there?
My auntie’s pretty white armchair. With a flowery cushion.
Q: What's the last piece of clothing you borrowed?
Haven’t borrowed clothing for a while.
Q: What website(s) do you visit the most during the day?
Gmail (:
Q: Do you have plants in your room?
Haha only this fake Flip Flop plant.
Q: Does anything hurt on your body right now?
My knee. I think I have knee problems.
Q: Recent time you were really upset?
This morning?

PINK IS LAST
1. Person you saw
Auntie (:
3. Movie you watched in cinema
Snap. Can’t remember. Umm…think it was Meet the Robinsons.
4. Song you listened to
If We Hold on Together – Diana Ross
5. Person you talked to on the phone
My mum.
6. Did you notice that the question 2 was gone
Haha! No! I’m a blur sotong (:

GREY IS TODAY
1. What are you doing right now?
Using the comp?
2. What are you doing tonight?
Revise for Physics test ):
3. What are you going to eat?
Dinner. Rice.

BROWN IS TOMORROW
1. Which is also Thursday.
2. Are you looking forward to it?
No. Hate Thursdays. All the high concentration mugger subjects.
3. Are you going to laugh?
Not after the last question.

sheet music

2007-08-19T00:28:00.001+08:00

I just found a site that rocks (:

http://www.mx-music.com/

It has a lot A LOT of free piano sheet music!

2007-08-11T22:41:00.000+08:00

|o (o__o)
-knocks on locked(!) bedroom door-

(^_^) | (<_<)o
"Who's that?"
"Grace."

(^ヮ^) | (-_-)'
"What's the secret password?"
"..." "Uh...let me in."

(^ヮ^) | (-__-)"
"Wrong!"
"Too bad, you still have to let me in anyway."

(^ヮ^)o (<_<)
"The secret password was Albus!"

LOL I just typed out what happened between my bro and me. it's called sequential art whoo! He is so...lol.

Look, I have terrible mood swings.

LIsdkfisdkf! There's this cat outside my house! Addsdfjldjfldkfjf! SIdiufidgfsjfi! He's so CUUUUUTE! He meows every two seconds and twines all around my legs! Usdifgjhujgh! Slkdhskldjhsdhsjdhsdhsjhdsjhdknhks!

This is what over-affectionate cats do to me -.- I still love them muchly though.

Long-overdue tag replies--

Minyee - Well int hat respect you are not like them. You are like...ESCARGOTS! Before you kill me, here's what i mean. They're tough and you have to pull them out, but when you do they are great to have around ^^ (I like escargots. They're very tasty if you don't remember that they're snails.)

Ssarah - Your poetry rocks :D Mine is...not that good. I really liked your conservation/conversation poem xD You have to try for mentorship next year! Really!

Raynieeeeeee - There's so much I don't need to say (: Hey, I know you can. You already are. ^^ <3 <3 <3

Litying - Lol haha why! Blah I was so emo a few hours ago and now I'm on a cat loving high O.O I feel like talking to you. Sighs.

JX - I will soon (; I love it too!

Binkee - Yes, she's another JX. xD A very different person. But about as crazy, I think.

Abi - RAWRZ I hate that song <_< Hahaha. It's so annoying man. And so mean. Glad you like the blogskin though :D

Shinhuoy - Sent :D But Jovenna hasn't replied D:

2007-08-11T18:44:00.000+08:00

I've been having really weird dreams lately...very emotional ones. Last last last night I was very frightened/apprehensive. (The dream is too long/complicated to explain.) Last last night I dreamt someone (not telling who, it's extremely random) was abusing this fluffy black rabbit. I threw up (int he dream!) and then cried. I can remember being very angry, horrified and sad. Last night I dreamt Mrs Yap (yes! Our geog teacher!) died. I cried. I wonder, when you cry in dreams do you cry in real life, at the same time? I do know that I woke up with a sob.

Maybe it's all the stress. A combination of factors. They add up to more than they should.

I suddenly feel inexplicably dejected. Feel like doing vent art.

I've been trying to make a list of my favourite words. Maybe I'll post it sometime. There are so many. <_<

2007-08-05T17:20:00.000+08:00

1. Have you ever felt the hungry, yearning feeling that comes from waking up from a dream? It goes like this: for a moment you'll be dazed, the dream-picture still clear in your mind's eye. Then you see the pale ceiling above you and the image starts to fade. You try desperately to recall it. Sometimes it works. Sometimes you gather a few moments, the impression of light streaming through a dark house. Feelings - warmth, safety, or fear and sadness. Or perhaps a person's face, smiling down at you.
Sometimes you wish you could go back, step into the dream again. Dreams are so beautiful - everything that happens need not have happened or be possible. Maybe you get to meet someone you know you never could in the waking world, or dredge up good memories long past. Dreams are the conglomeration of the jumble of memories, longings, emotions and ideas that float around in our silly human brains.
But once you step out of a dream, you can't step back in.

2. Have you ever felt for someone this way? It goes beyond admiration, beyond friendship. I hesitate to call it love, because it is not love. It's something else together. It goes like this - there is a very special person who is on your mind all the time. When you think of him or her, you invariably smile. They become a huge part of your life - a driving force. You draw each breath in the hope of time to spend with this person. And when you do spend time with him or her, you feel happy, contented. Memories of this person are the ones you treasure most. And you look up to him or her, take everything he or she says to be the truth. He or she is perfect. Blind trust and faith. You can't help it. It's the way it is.
Unfortunately, this feeling almost always leads to heartbreak.

going away

2007-07-31T21:49:00.000+08:00

Your double-sided tape is lousy,
but you,
are quite the opposite.

(:

poem

2007-07-29T18:44:00.000+08:00

I need to find some way to trim my pet terrapin's claws. He(?)'s getting big and strong, and his nails are getting sharp and long. And he doesn't like being picked up. If I'm not careful he's going to rip my hand open one day.

I wrote a non-emo poem (:

This Road

I have seen this road
in the tightening grasp of dawn, through
the misted-up windows of the school bus
where massive jams and blinking red lights
shine under the dim sky. Headlights and horns
unrelenting. And amidst it all, a slash of orange in the clouds.

I have seen this road
quiet and dreaming, at midmorning. Yellow light
waltzing on the black tarmac;
a few cars scurrying past.
And a sheepish tourist with a backpack.
Sunglasses.

I have seen this road
scorched by the sun.
Not dawn-bright, or lazy-bright,
but burning bright,
each blink of light a hammer blow
like schoolbag-heavy footsteps on hot cement.

I have seen this road
glowing golden, warm,
sunlight-slanting-through-branches golden.
The day's late years come peeping through half-translucent leaves,
yawning their way home.

I have seen this road
through a veil of grey,
still recognizable.
Two under one little umbrella
through puddles, squealing to the bus stop.
Shivering in shelter with great heavy teardrops battering the roof.

And I have seen this road
shining-wet and washed,
like freshly-turned damp soil,
smelling faintly
of green things and lost rain.

Guess which road this is xP

boo

2007-07-24T21:34:00.000+08:00

I just visited the Campus SuperStar website, just for fun. I was reading the comments people leave on the profile pages of the participants.

It's so saddening - not just the grammar and typing, but the sheer insensitivity of some critics.

(bad words censored)

hahas !
serve yew rite !
yew hyprocrite !!
singing so lua ya !!
zao jiu ying gai out le !!
can go in top 10 iishh vehh gd furr yew le lorhh !
den tell all ur fans go scold zhengning !!!
go hell larhh !!
ji bye !!
no gd qualities oso can in !!
yew hyprocrite !!
ur fwens out att there laugh !!
kao beii !

u are so so so ugly ............
wish you lose in the next round ~~~~~`
hahaha

STILL OUT RITE ! You lousy can't speak chinese b**b showing fat b*tch. Go revival also no use, so useless. u better so and slim down , go slimming center also can ,

wa! I could'n believe u in sia .
U sing lyk sh*t man! I dunno wtf u singing GO home sleep la! Agnes should in not U! U stupid JINX
Next round u sure OUT!

even though i nvr hate u euu i must say ur singin damn suxz lor. i noe euu got money mah. u damn idiotic lor n pls dont act cute. ur face suxz man lyk hell. if e judges is still in e 70% u will b out liao lor... pls say bye bye 2 e stage n go home 2 sleep lyk a pig... if e screen didnt put e lyrics i oso dont noe wat r euu singin lor... zhen de hen nan ting "kapui"

yep agree wif every spamers of uue !! ur singinq realli
SUX
SUX
SUX !!

I don't understand. How can people say those things about other people without a second thought? Don't they know how much words can hurt?

2007-07-22T16:16:00.000+08:00

Lord, You are great because You created the earth and all its creatures and everything else, even those annoying river systems that we have to learn about in geog. You were there first of all and You will still be there in the end.

Lord, thank You for all the blessings You have given me: most of all, for Your love, patience, faithfulness, even to this blind, stumbling wreck of a human being. Thank You for a loving family who brought me up with good values, and for friends who are always there and ready to lend a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, and advice. Thank You for talent, and the chance to make it grow.

Lord, I'm sorry. I know I haven't been a very good Christian lately. I've been wallowing in self-pity and frustration. I've forgotten to thank You for trials because they grow my faith and make me stronger. I haven't been a blessing to those around me; nor have I made you a part of of my life.

Lord, please help me to climb out of this pit I've dug myself into. I want to be Your light to shine upon the world, to share your word. Please give me the wisdom to make those decisions, and the courage to live each day.

2007-07-21T10:59:00.000+08:00

I never pretend to be something I'm not
You got what you see, when you see what I got
We live in the real world, I'm just a real girl
I know exactly where I stand

And all I can do is be true to myself
I don't need permission from nobody else
'Cause this is the real world, I'm not a little girl
I know exactly who I am

- Real Girl, Mutya Buena

Once upon a time, that was true. Now...

hp

2007-07-18T16:56:00.000+08:00

Whee I think my handphone is very durable. Today I dropped it in the bus. It landed very loudly but it was fine - not even a scratch! And I remember when I went for church hike I dropped it down from the sixth storey of the observation tower. And guess what? It was fine.

(:

Mood swings, mood swings.

Minyee says I don't fit my name at all and I kind of agree. I mean, I'm not graceful - I'm very clumsy. Example: yesterday in artclub I stabbed my finger with a carving tool. And today in chem I got a blister after accidentally brushing against the metal thingy of the bunsen burner.

But still. I like my name.

Here's a snatch of prose I randomly jotted down in my notebook. It makes Minyee laugh (:

When you looked at her, you first thought of a pea. It wasn't that she was green or round. She was pretty small, but in a human way. There was just something essentially pea-like about her.

bleh

2007-07-15T22:16:00.000+08:00

I feel so...frustrated. Misunderstood, and cheated.

[Insertbadwordhere] it. I'm being so selfish.

I can't believe I'm actually feeling this way. Maybe I, and everybody else, have fooled me into believing I am a nice, self-sacrificial, accomodating person. I'm smiling mirthlessly now; I can imagine what certain people will say when they read this. It's not their fault.

I wish I could believe everything wasn't just a farce.

Lord, I know I've changed. Please help me find that smiley, happy person again. I don't like the new one, it's all wrong. I'm sorry.

2007-07-12T21:48:00.000+08:00

[beginrant]

WHY. WHY. I AM SO STRESSED. EVERY DAY I GO TO BED WITH STUFF UNDONE. AND THEN THE NEXT DAY I GET MORE STUFF TO DO BUT I CAN'T DO IT BECAUSE I'M BUSY DOING THE STUFF THAT I OUGHT TO HAVE DONE YESTERDAY BUT DIDN'T BECAUSE I WAS DOING THE STUFF THAT I SHOULD HAVE DONE THE DAY BEFORE THAT. STRESS STRESS STRESS! OH NO. SONNET FA TOMORROW. AND HOW IN THE WORLD IS TWO TEN GOING TO PULL OFF MAKING 1020 COOKIES FOR AESTHETICS CLASS PROJECT? I HATE BEING ACP CHAIRPERSON. PLEASE NOTE: YOU MAY THINK I KNOW EVERYTHING BUT I DON'T.

[/endrant]

This week has been the most horrible week so far in my whole life at RGS. Pretty much the only two enjoyable things that happened were artclub and swim finals.

Rawr. Everything's going wrong. There's no time.

quiz

2007-07-11T19:57:00.000+08:00

I have been doing random funny quizzes :D The HTML is quite screwed, though.

'What will your obituary say?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Well, maybe.

Judeo-Christian Ethics (The Golden Rule)

Essentially this ethical school of thought can be summed up in 'Do unto others as you would have them do unto you'. Only do something to someone which you would like to have done to you in return. This is the ethical principal which is least prone to criticism.

How you scored, compared to others taking this quiz:

You
Other Quiz Takers

Judeo-Christian

Utilitarianism

Kantian Ethics

Ethical Egoism

Ancient Greek Ethics

'What ethical system do you fit in with?' at QuizGalaxy.com

No surprise there, hm?

Your walk is:
'Dandy'

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

Actually…I have no idea what the quiz is about. But I walk like that, sometimes xP

Grace will have to write:

I will stop drawing offensive cartoons

'What will you have to write on the chalk board?' at style="color: #000000">QuizGalaxy.com

Hahaha! Maybe! -guilty look-

Your hidden talent is writing

Your hidden talent is writing. You have a unique way of viewing the world and are able to express your thoughts eloquently on the page. Some people might think that you are weird, but you are just the next Pulitzer prize winner.

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

It’s not exactly a hidden talent...

Grace's new nickname is:

"Van Gogh"

'What is your new nickname?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Yay! Artist! xDD

Grace's synonym --

attractive (... as in adorable!)

'What is your synonym?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Aw, really?

Sometimes even randomness has a grain of truth.

2007-07-07T22:36:00.000+08:00

I've been writing random poetry (: I love poetry, but I'm not too good at it. Oh. Dear. I better get back to typing my RS minutes.

how,
how i loved your smile
and the way
it lit up a light
inside you, inside me
so bright!
when you smiled, you set wings free.

when
you smiled
i could imagine
that we weren't lovebirds in a golden cage
or shining goldfish in a round fishbowl
i could imagine the wind wasn't cold,
and the rainclouds weren't crying,
and the sparrows were flying.

who
were we, then,
to smile? nobody, anybody,
somebody
or two somebodies
sitting on the grass
and smiling at the storm
because we sat at its eye?

what
did we do?
we caught the speckled sparrows,
and we let the lovebirds out of their golden cage
and watched them fly
into the storm.
fluttering feathers, wings torn.

but why?

The next poem is very...vindictive.

if you were made of glass,
i would hit you,
and hit you again,

till you shattered
into a million fragments

then
you would know how heartbreak feels.

but after that, i'd kneel on the floor
and cut myself on shards
of memories,
pain.
crying over
diamond tears and broken glass-dreams.

piano exam

2007-07-04T18:07:00.000+08:00

Hahaha! Look at this!

Grace --

[noun]:

A person who likes to steal tins of tuna

'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Anyway: piano exam tomorrow.

): ): ):

I'm going to fail. I can't even play my exam pieces without mistakes. If you can't even do that (never mind the tempo/dynamics etc) they fail you.

D:

How!

I'm so scared my fingers are shaking. Or maybe it's just because I've been practicing like mad on the piano.

oops

2007-07-03T22:19:00.000+08:00

If you're reading this...please ignore the last post. I don't think I meant it ):

Remember once I quoted to you, "Women forgive but never forget; men forget but never forgive"? Well - I've forgiven (: but (un?)fortunately I haven't forgotten.

I really do treasure those memories (even if you think memories aren't worth treasuring). Thanks for everything, really (:

mandi again

2007-06-28T15:21:00.000+08:00

We could change it. We could make it better; heal it. It'd only take a word, a smile, a few seconds...

But you don't have the courage - and neither do I.

I thought I was over it.

2007-06-24T19:38:00.000+08:00

What to say, Lord? It's
You who gave me life and I
Can't explain just how
Much You mean to me now
That You have saved me, Lord
I give all that I am to You
That everyday I can
Be a light that shines Your name

Everyday, Lord, I'll
Learn to stand upon Your word
And I pray that I
That I might come to know You more
That You would guide me with every single step I take, that
Everyday I can
Be Your light unto the world

Everyday, it's You I live for
Everyday, I'll follow after You
Everyday, I'll walk with You, my Lord

Everyday, Lord, I'll
Learn to stand upon Your word
And I pray that I
That I might come to know You more
That You would guide me with every single step I take, that
Everyday I can
Be Your light unto the world

Everyday, it's You I live for
Everyday, I'll follow after You
Everyday, I'll walk with You, my Lord

It's You I live for, everyday
It's You I live for, everyday
It's You I live for, everyday
It's You I live for, everyday

Everyday, it's You I live for
Everyday, I'll follow after You
Everyday, I'll walk with You, my Lord

Everyday, it's You I live for
Everyday, I'll follow after You
Everyday, I'll walk with You, my Lord

That's what I want to be like, really. I don't want to be just a Sunday Christian. God's there, every hour every minute every second, and i want to be aware of that. I want to let my every word and every action reflect God's will and His love - to be his light onto the world.

I really want to, but sometimes we get so caught up in everyday life - homework, lessons, friends. And there's temptation all around.

I'm going to try. I'm going to try harder.

art music

2007-06-23T23:06:00.000+08:00

I can't decide which I like better and enjoy more - art or music.

(sadly, writing comes closely behind either.)

Whoo! I just got the Phantom of the Opera piano score! I'm going to practice and practice until I can play the songs for all those POTO freaks (I'm talking to you, Teesh JX Stacey etc!)

The songs are so nice! I like Think of Me and The Music of the Night best.

(:

painting

2007-06-19T19:05:00.000+08:00

I love painting. Banners, murals, canvas, anything - it's, it's therapeutic.

I found a quote from a book that could describe it.

"[Painting]; beautiful, mindless [painting], just complicated enough to keep one's thoughts from wandering, but purely abstract, nothing to do with anything." - The Portable Door, by Tom Holt (which incidentally is a name that looks really good on a book cover.)

happy

2007-06-15T19:22:00.000+08:00

I feel so happy!

Because

1. I just made apple crumble with my mum! (as in we made it together, not I made apple crumble out of her o.O)

2. The sky outside is so beautiful because of the sunset! It's the most beautifullest sunset I've ever seen, and I'm not even at the beach or anywhere. The clouds are pink and soft like cotton candy and the sky is blue like...like something really blue. It's pretty enough to take your breath away.

quizzes

2007-06-13T14:14:00.000+08:00

Quizzes liften off Minyee's/Litying's blogs, because I am too inherently lazy to write a post.

20 Questions!

1. If you were a bird, which bird would you be?
Maybe a penguin. They are such social anmals and care for their chicks.

2. Which town would you choose to die in?
Singapore. It's where I was born, too.

3. If you could be someone famous, who would you be?
A writer or an artist (: Or both.

4. Name the 3 famous people you admire the most.
I don't really admire famous people...well, not celebrities. Maybe people like Martin Luther King and Abraham Lincoln, yes.

5. If you choose to know when you'll die, would you do so?
No. I'd be waiting for it.

6. If you had to sing a well-known song about your life, which song would you choose?
I don't want to sing a song ): Good enough?

7. Which fictional hero do you resemble the most?
Er? I don't know. Someone goodhearted but quite stupid - any suggestions?

8. Which fictional villain would you want to be?
I don't want to be a villain!

9. At what age do you think you'll die?
Seventies, eighties...

10. Would you change faces with someone else?
No, because everybody wouldn't recognise me.

11. You've been granted 3 wishes, what are they?
- World peace
- Healing (mental/emotional/physical)
- A truly good, truly Christian heart
(this question was the hardest of all. I'm not sure if I gave a truthful answer, because I spent such a long time thinking about it.)

12. You have absolute power in your country for one hour: What do you do?
Er...I don't know. Anyway. I wouldn't want to have absolute power. I'm not the sort xD

13. What job would you do if you could choose anything?
Artist/writer. I don't want to do a mundane job. I want to do something I like and which allows me room for creatvity. Maybe, if I need extra cash, I could be a piano teacher.

My piano teacher says they get paid very well (;

14. What is your worst fear?
That my demons will pull me down. I don't know how to/don't want to explain further.

15. Which has been the best day of your life so far?
There hasn't been one that's been particularly memorable. So many good things happen every day, and so many bad things as well. I don't think I can answer this question, or the one below. Maybe a better question to ask would be what has been the best thing that's happened to me. Again, there isn't a concrete answer, but I can give many.

16. Which has been the worst day of your life so far?
See above answer.

17. Describe the worst nightmare you have ever had.
I can't remember. But I have had some weird ones. Like, when I was about six where my family was hiding in a house shaped like a cheese. And there was this green

monster which came to the door and demanded a child. And my parents gave him my little bro instead of me. LOL. -coughcough-

18. Think about something from your past that embarrasses you even now. What is it?
I get embarassed almost every day, in one way or another <_< E.g. mistaking someone for someone else, forgetting to bring something, bringing something I wasn't supposed to, not bringing enough of something, falling down, not doing something, doing something I wasn't supposed to, etc etc. I'm too embarrassed to give examples ^ ^

19. Would you sincerely like to be rich?
Yeah. But I'd donate lots of money to charity organisations/church. Really, I mean it.

20. You have one month to live, plan the rest of your life.
Tell all those people (I know who you are, even if you don't) sorry. Say thank you to everyone I can, for being in my life. And pray, a lot. Oh yes and write a will xD

A Handphone Quiz! This was fun (:

1) What's your phone brand?
-> Sony Ericsson.
2) What are the last 3 digits in your cell phone number?
-> 196.
3) What does the 12th message in your inbox say?
-> "OMG. I've been doing math for two hrs straight! My mind's a bit dazzled. Its actually v.easy but tedious! Whee! I lubb lubb maths! Gna start on ass1 now! Toodles!" - Angie, 6th April (I delete meaningless messages and keep ones which actually mean stuff to me xD)
4) Who's the first person under M?
-> My mum!
5) Who's the last person you rang?
-> My mum (:
6) Who was your last missed call from?
-> My mum xD
7) Who's the 2nd person under D?
-> No 2nd person. 1st one's Deb Zhang. Then the next one is Faith (from Joni's church).
8) What does the last message in your inbox say?
-> "Love you n jon." From my mum. I kept it 'cause it was sweet and I wanted a reminder (:
9) Who is the secondlast person under j?
-> Jon - my little brother.
10) Go to your sent items. what does the 10th message say?
-> "Noooonononono i want to come back! And I think I'm too young and just...won't make a good councillor D:" - to Yingxi. It's about CAP yeah (:
11) Who's the 4th person under S?
-> Susanna from artclub (:
12) Who's your network provider?
-> Starhub
13) How many messages are currently in your inbox?
-> Seventeen. But I have some in my saved messages folder. Yes, I'm a sentimental person.
14) What do you have as your background?
-> A cat! She lives in my piano teacher's block. She has a green collar with a bell and two adorable kittens! I have photos! They are so cute!
15) Who is the second person under R?
-> Ruth from Buckle.
16) Who do you have on speed dial 3?
-> Jonathan. My little brother.
17) If you're on prepaid, how much credit do you have left?
-> Not sure...about fifteen dollars plus...
18) Who's the last person under C?
-> Claire, from church.
19) How many bars of signal do you currently have?
-> Four.
20) What do you have as your main ringtone?
-> I keep the phone on silent (:

skinnyguy

2007-06-06T22:40:00.000+08:00

LOL LOL LOOK I DREW A PERSON-

But I should have drawn more clothes on him <_< And yes I know I got the anatomy wrong. Especially the hands/feet/left leg DD: lookathistoeslookathistoes they're all wrong...

Yey I'm going to do a comic for history pt and maybe this shall be my main character. I need a name for him...

...and I need to practice more.

operation

2007-06-05T20:40:00.000+08:00

I am formulating a plan. It is called:

OPERATION MATADOR

(hee)

Objective - To make birthday presents out of clay.

Summary - Get up in the middle of the night and make birthday presents out of clay, because there's no time during the day and my mum won't let me.

Stuff needed:
- Newspapers: stash behind table beforehand
- Clay - in my drawer
- Water in a container - can use mineral water bottle
- Damp plastic bag - just...get a plastic bag...and...make it damp...
- Somewhere to let the clay dry - uh...maybe I can hide it on the high shelf or something ><
- Model sheets - draw. At least 2D. How many am I going to do?
- Light - Table lamp. Must wait till I'm sure mum and dad are asleep. Maybe wake up around 1 am.
- Paint/brushes/etc - not immediate. I have poster paint, anyway. And brushes.
- Cloth to clean up - hmm...oh dear...

Largest Obstacles:
- Ideas ): for more of them
- Somewhere to dry the things! It needs 4-5 days DD: Putting it near a heat source speeds up the process. But I don't have a heat source.
- Lack of enough clay? (make them smaller)
- Lack of experience...
- BROTHER. Either I do it before he comes back from China, which is this Thursday, or I manipulate him to make him sleep in my parents' room. x( How? Maybe he'll want to sleep with my parents since he is homesick in China.

Things to take note:
- Clay should be kept in a wet plastic bag to keep it from drying out
- Clay needs 4-5 days to dry

Process:
- Set handphone alarm to wake me up at 1 am
- Check if parents are asleep. If they aren't, go back to sleep after setting alarm for 2 am. If they are still awake at 2 am, wait till the next night.
- Turn on table lamp
- Spread newspapers on the floor.
- Open packet of clay.
- Refer to model
- Make the things
- Put them on top of the files and stuff on the top shelf and hope they dry

I hope this operation is successful.

(I'm not joking. I'm really going to do it. But maybe I should get my mum to let me do it openly instead of sneaking around at night. That'd be so much simpler.)

cap

2007-06-01T23:41:00.000+08:00

Creative. Arts. Programme. Seminar. Rocks.

Hee. I'm in no state to blog about it now. Too much stuff happened. Heehee. Heh sorry. I'm in a state of drunken euphoria.

Here's an incoherent summary:

Roommate:hanis<3 room:smellslikehospital food:yuck drinks:diluted plenarylectures:notsupposedtosleepbuteveryonedoes showering:forgottowel newfrends:AmandataiAzirahPeijunHuining(newoldfriend)ShuyungHuiziVeneaia(sp?)XiaotingLillianAkshay(sp?)Amadeus(coolname) Kevin allgroupsixers allartperformancers alotofotherpeoplewhosenamesiforgot/neverfoundout councillors:KeganSuthaJasmineYingetcetcetc<3 theBOTTLEgame the APPLEgame theLYCHEEgame LOL-

And now I shall embarrass myself by posting a poem I wrote on Thursday. It's not, like, a deep poem or anything.

Camps are always fun, till you get to the middle
And then things start to go wrong.
It's true, you know - your shorts feel too short
Your t-shirt is too long.

You've run out of underwear!
What's to be done? Reuse!
The councillors are stretched to breaking point
- better not light the fuse.

For lunch they're serving tofu,
You feel like you've got to throw up.
Your roommate won't eat her veggiesm
She says the food is yuck.

What's plenary mean? Nobody knows!
But it's a lecture and you've got to go
You're tired - the seats are temptingly soft
What's he talking about? I don't know.

You think you're fit as a fiddle
You think your willpower's strong.
But camps are always fun, till you get to the middle
And then things start to go wrong.

(There was another stanza, but I can't remember it at the moment and I can't be bothered to get my journal.)

Eh. On a more somber note, my GPA dropped by 0.5 points. Like a WHOLE HALF POINT. What's wrong with me >< I have to do better!

amazing grace

2007-05-26T20:26:00.000+08:00

Somehow this song keeps playing in my head. It wants me to sing it, too. (I'm pretty sure my name has NOTHING to do with it.)

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
That sav’d a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.

’Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,
And grace my fears reliev’d;
How precious did that grace appear,
The hour I first believ’d!

Thro’ many dangers, toils and snares,
I have already come;
’Tis grace has brought me safe thus far,
And grace will lead me home.

The Lord has promis’d good to me,
His word my hope secures;
He will my shield and portion be,
As long as life endures.

Yes, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease;
I shall possess, within the veil,
A life of joy and peace.

The earth shall soon dissolve like snow,
The sun forbear to shine;
But God, who call’d me here below,
Will be forever mine.

When we’ve been there ten thousand years,
Bright shining as the sun,
We've no less days to sing God’s praise
Than when we’ve first begun.

I've been bogged down in metaphorical quicksand recently; sinking in self-pity and frustration. It is my own fault, but I'm going to do my best to climb out, because I have very, very much to be grateful for (the greatest of that is God's grace). I'm sorry if I've offended/been harsh to/hurt/surprised anyone lately.

CAP seminar on Monday!

Which means I won't be able to collect my results.

Anyway - I'm excited and apprehensive. I hope I get nice groupmates. Oh dear, I'm still not sure what I'm supposed to wear. And I have to write something on the theme Wiring Heartlands! DD:

Yeah, I'll be gone for a while because it's a five day overnight stay...I'm praying it'll be fun.

quiz

2007-05-22T22:20:00.000+08:00

1. 4 names in your inbox?
Alayne (cool name isn't it?), Litying, Doctor Dictionary (I suscribe to Dictionary.com's word of the day lol), Haslina

2. Your main ringtone?
I usually keep my phone on silent mode (: so as not to disturb people!

3. What did you do at 12 last night?
Slept. I was deadbeat.

4. Who was the last person u went out with? Where?
Uh...probably...when I went with Jaz and Stacey and Cheryl and Szemin and Liyana and JX...to Kino/Ngee Ann City after MYAs. Need to get out more often...

5. The color of the tshirt you're wearing now?
Black. Art club tshirt. It has white paint splotches on it xD

6. The last thing you did before this?
Drank a cup of milk (: I love milk.

7. Three of your everyday essentials?
Family, friends, computer!

8. What colour is your room?
Light green, with white furniture.

9. How much money in your wallet now?
A lot...I dunno...

10. How's life?
Sighs.

11. Your favorite city?
Singapore, and Vancouver.

12. What will you do next weekend?
Normal stuff I guess...chinese painting...church...etc.

13. When was the last time you met your mom?
She came into the room and made me go eat fruits.

14. Where is she now..?
Kitchen, I think.

15. When was the last time you talked to her?
Few minutes ago. She says I don't eat enough fruits ):

16. Who is the last person that texted you?
My mum. It was "K love ya!" ((:

17. Where did u have your dinner last night?
At home, at the dining table.

18. The last gift you've received?
Do credit slips count? They make me as happy as any gift <3 A big THANKYOU to the people who sent me...

19. Last thing you borrowed from your friend?
Uh...a whatsitcalled, roller I think. To whitewash boards.

20. How do you feel now?
I have a headache.

21. What do you order at McD?
Don't eat there a lot. But I like cheeseburgers (:

22. The last time you felt so sad?
Do you really want to know?

23. What is your wish for tomorrow?
I won't fail chengyu kaocha >< Lost my list...

-----------

Have you Ever...?

Played Spin the Bottle?: Yep it's fun (:
Toilet papered someone's house: Wouldn't do such a thing! (I dare you to make comment, Minyee >D)
Played Poker with money: I don't gamble (:
Gone swimming in a white T-shirt: Not that I can remember.
Been tickled so hard you couldn't talk: Yep ;)
Liked someone but never told them: Of course! If only you knew xD
Went camping: Yep! With my family. The wind nearly blew the tent away.
Had a crush on your brother's friend: NOWAY. My brother's two years younger, anyway.
Walk in the rain without an umbrella: It's fun :DD
Told a joke that nobody thought was funny: Lol perhaps.
Been in a talent show: Nah.
Started laughing at someone's bedtime: Laughing at what? It being early or late? I don't laugh at people though (:
Worn somthing your mom didn't appove of: No...don't think so...I like wearing tshirts and she has no objection.
Been to a nude beach: No!
Drank jack daniels: Is it alchohol or something?
Cursed in a church: Nope. I don't curse. Not really.
Been called a slut for kissing someone: I haven't kissed anyone (: Other than family, and I'm sure that doesn't make me a slut.
Burnt yourself with a curling iron/straightner: Nope.
Wanted to be a police officer: Probably ;) I used to want to be a vetarinarian (sp?) too.
Dumped someone: Hmm.
Been hit on by someone too old: I hope not o__O
Wanted to be a model: Nope xD
Bought lottery tickets: Nah...unless you count those tickets where they ask you to donate to something and then give you a lucky draw ticket.
Made out in a car: No way.
Cried during a movie: Yes (:
Wanted something you couldn't have: All the time.
Had sex on the beach: 'Course not.
Had drink sex on the beach: Drink sex? Sounds gross x( No.
Seen someone shoplift: Nope.
Hung up on someone: Only by accident.
Yelled at your pet: I talked to my mice (<3!)/fish/terrapin, but never yelled.
Bought a thong when the cashier was a guy: No thongs xD
Tried to strip when drunk: I don't ever want to get drunk.
Gotten seasick: Yes lol (: On a cruise.
Had a stalker: Eh, maybe.
Played a prank on somone that had them really scared: During ORA haunted house? (:
Been embarassed by one of your family: Yes!
Felt bad about eating meat: Occasionally.
Protested: About eating meat? Or something else?
Been to an island: I live on an island!
Been in love: Oh, yes.
Ate just because you were bored: During reccess, sometimes.
Looked at something everybody thought was ugly and said "aww": Don't think so.
Screamed in a library: Nope. I whisper in libraries.
Made out with a stranger: Duh no.
Been Dumped: Hmm. You could call it that, yes.
Wished a part of you was different: I wish I could not wish this. But then, aren't I doing it by wishing that?
Asked a guy to dance: No, hehe.
Been asked out by a really hot guy: Nope (:
Laughed so hard you cried: I think so, lol.
Went up to a complete stranger and started talking: Only by accident, because I thought the person was someone I knew x) It's really embarrassing.
Been sunburned: Not seriously.
Kicked a guy in the nuts for being a pervert: I don't kick people DD:
Threw up in school: Yep (: In P3.
Received an anonymous love letter: Not an anonymous one.
Had to wear something you hated: A dress? xD I don't like dresses.
Been to a luau: lu·au (lōō-ou', lōō'ou') Pronunciation Key
n. An elaborate Hawaiian feast featuring traditional foods and entertainment.
Well, no.
Saw your ex and wanted to kick his ass: Don't have an ex. Well, not really.
Cursed in front of your parents: Nope, I'm proud to say. I try not to curse
Been in a commerical on tv: Nah.
Watched a movie that made you miss your ex: Hmm..no.
Been out of the country: Yep! :D
Been honked at by some guy when you were walking down the sidewalk: No, lol.
Won at pool: No.
Went to a party where you were the only sober one: Nope.
Went on a diet: Nope. Never felt the need to.
Been lost out to sea: Haha no. Only in a computer game xD
Tanned topless: Noway.
Been attacked by seagulls: Nope. But my dad used to keep this mynah and it always attacked me. By pecking/scratching my hand when I picked it up ):
Been searched in an airport: No...I'm a harmless person...
Been on a plane: Yes (:
Been pants-ed: What's that mean? -suspicious-
Thrown a shoe at someone: No...
Broke someone's heart: Hmm.
Sung in the shower: Lol yes xD And then worried that my family had heard me.
Bought something way too expensive: Sometimes...
Done something really stupid that you still laugh about: 'Course xD
Been walked in on when you were dressing: Only at home!
Ran out of a movie theatre because you were too scared of the movie: Nope.
Been kicked out of the mall: No.
Been mean to someone then instantly wanted to take it back: I don't usually act mean/say mean things, but sometimes I'm mean in my head and after that I feel guilty even if the person doesn't know I was thinking mean things about them.
Been given a detention on the worst day that you could get one: Haven't got a DC yet. Hope i don't get one more attire booking >< yes I have two already! ><><
Done something stupid when you were drunk: Alcohol tastes yucky.
Fell off your roof: No. Not even the playground roof. Fell out of a tree before though (:
Pretended you were scared so you could cuddle up with someone: When I do cuddle up with people, I'm really scared.
Had a deer jump in front of your car: No (: Thankfully. No car, anyway.
Threatened someone with a water gun: Yeah! At my friend's birthday party! It was supersuper fun >D

Can you....

Unwrap a starburst with your tongue: I don't think I can unwrap anything with my tongue.
Sing: Not tunefully xD
Open your eyes underwater: No...it hurts...
Eat whatever you want and not have to worry: Usually. I'm not very weight-conscious.
Ice skate: Yeah! Its fun! :D
Sing in front of a crowd: I don't want to try x)
Whistle: I've been trying for years but I can't ): Can't snap fingers either.
Be a bitch at times: Not out loud. I keep it inside.
Do thirty pull ups: Nope.
Walk in really high heels: Never tried (:
Eat super spicy foods: I swallow them very fast.
Skateboard: I want to try someday (:
Sleep with the lights on: If I'm really tired, yes.
Mulititask: Kinda xD
Touch your nose with your tongue: Nope.
Fall asleep easily in the car: Sometimes, if I'm really tired.
Do the cotton eye joe: What's that? Sounds gross.
Play ddr and not fall: Yeah, but not well xD
Surf: Haven't tried, but I want to try some day!
Fit in your locker: No xDD
Do a split: No not flexible enough ):
Taste the difference between pepsi and coke: I don't like either. They make my teeth feel funny.

house of mirth

2007-05-21T20:32:00.000+08:00

I'm reading the book The House of Mirth by Edith Wharton.

It's sort of...Victorian lit, so I'm doing it for lit RS. I can't say it's thrilling or page-turning, but it's definitely different from the stuff I usually read.

It's set in America in the early nineteenth century and focuses on the materialistic and money-minded society. It's so...disgusting, almost, how all but two of the characters are so obsessed with pursuing wealth and the appearance of luxury - yet, none of them are really happy or have any joy in life. Their existence is frighteningly superficial.

I can't help but feel sorry for the main character. She's just like the rest - chasing after butterflies, surrounding herself with splendour, but sometimes she has flashes of self- disgust and doubt where she sees how ugly and immoral her world really is. I don't like her - she is obnoxious, greedy and flighty. But I feel sorry for her. She is twenty-nine and unmarried, but very beautiful and much gossiped about. She plays on her beauty and appearance of wealth, but in reality she is deeply in debt. All her life - all she has learned is to manipulate and backstab in order to gain status and power.

She is deeply in debt and the only way out is for her to marry a rich man. Yet at the last moment she always ruins her chances of marriage. In the words of another character:

"That's Lily all over, you know; she works like a slave preparing the ground and sowing her seed; but the day she ought to be reaping the harvest, she oversleeps herself or goes off on a picnic."
Mrs Fisher paused and looked reflectively at the deep shimmer of sea between the cactus-flowers. "Sometimes," she added, "I think it's just flightiness - and sometimes I think it's because, at heart, she despises the things she's trying for. And it's the difficulty of deciding that makes her such an interesting study."

She lives such a sad life - she has never known true love, or joy, or friendship, or life's simple pleasures. All she ever does is covet and calculate.

It's such a depressing book, and that's the irony of the title.

Oh, and I drew this (it's not related):

I'm sorry if this is an unfair portrayal of events. I can't stand it any more.

sighs

2007-05-16T21:18:00.000+08:00

Right now there’s only four things I really enjoy doing, and that’s sad.

1. Drawing/art
2. Playing the piano
3. Reading fiction
4. Sleeping.

Because, when I’m doing them I forget everything else.

I’m feeling depressed. A lot of bad stuff seems to have been happening. I was never emo until the end of last year; it’s linked to events that happened.

Sighs.
I’m not blaming anybody. Well, I am, but sort of…indirectly. I know it’s just self-pity. Unwanted self-pity, but I can’t seem to shake it off.

On the brighter side - I made myself a new blogskin :D

With one of my famous kitties on it.

And I updated, what, three consecutive days in a row!

the apple

2007-05-14T22:16:00.000+08:00

Once upon a time there was an apple. It was the most beautiful apple you'd ever seen - such a pure, bright red, unsoiled and unspoiled. It grew up on a protective, loving apple tree and eventually landed in a grocery store.
In the store, it spent its days wrapped and padded - wrapped in, in, you know, the white netting they use to wrap fruits to protect them. Its life was simple and it was happy.
One day. a little girl with her hair tied neatly in a ponytail skipped into the shop. She saw the apple. She saw the redness of it through the soft white netting. She liked it very much, so she bought it and brought it out of the shop cradled in her hands.
She took it to a nearby playground, but she didn't eat it. She talked to it, because she was only a child and children like to play pretend. So she pretended the apple was her best friend. The apple liked it very much and realised how much it'd been missing out sitting safe in a grocery store.
Then she saw the seesaw and decided to play a game. She put the apple on one end and sat on the other. Then she pushed down hard and tried to see how high she could bounce the apple. It thudded hard against the wood of the seesaw, till in the end its protective netting padding fell off.
Its red, red skin was scratched and bruised, horribly bruised.
Am I the girl, or am I the apple?

LOL I'm not making much sense right now. But I blogged on two consecutive days - I'm so proud of myself!

haunted house

2007-05-13T17:03:00.000+08:00

ORA!

<333333333333

AC did a haunted house.

And I was a ghost. I didn't hafta paint my face (: Because all I needed to do was let my hair cover it. And I was kneeling and doing this begging thing. Which people apparently found freaky. Mostly they reacted with something along the lines of a moan/whimper/scream, "Don't touch me!" or "I haven't got any money!" Someone passed me her friend's camera though (: And I nearly kept it. Gave it back in the end though.

Darrell recognized me! I don't know how she saw me though all that hair. She went "Is that Grace?" And I just had to hit her. xD

I didn't think we were that scary (well, except for the part with the psychotic murderer - Muni would've loved it! - and her hammer) , but apparently we were. People are really violent when scared ): I don't know how many times my hand got slapped when I stuck it through a hole in the cloth to grab people, or how many times I got smacked/punched/pushed/stepped on by frightened girls. The boys didn't get frightened -.- Look, if you're not going to scream or at least get scared, don't go into a haunted house. What you SHOULD do: scream and get scared. What you should NOT do: laugh (unless you're doing it out of hysteria), make comments about how it's not scary, attack the poor ghosts who, by the time they have done their best to scare people 200+ times, are exhausted and aching.

Anyway: back to violence in fear. There was this group that was so utterly terrified they messed up all our partitions! And dropped a cloth on me. I got tangled up in it ): We were desperately trying to repair the damage int me for the next group.

But it was pretty fun, sometimes, when we sent groups screaming and practically tripping over themselves in their haste to get out of the art room. After a particularly good round, we always applauded and laughed, and then Litying would scream at us to get ready. : I think she was really stressed.

We might have overdone it some. There was this group who, when they got to the part with the fake organs in coke, begged us - really begged us - not to scare them any more (we did stop). Another group started singing Dedication. Some of them screamed almost continuously, even when there was nothing happening.

Oh, yes - there was this little boy, maybe four or five years old. Kinda dumb to bring a kid into a haunted house. But he wasn't scared at all! He kept going "crazy woman" and "siao". And when we started spraying water from above, his mother told him it was just "special effects". -.- Maybe he wasn't scared because we were all so shocked to see a kid in there that we weren't scary.

Random quotes:

"Why am I in front?"/"I don't want to go first!" - We heard endless variations of this.

"I don't want to continue...let's just stay here until the lights come on..." - I really felt sorry for them.

"I'm from artclub! My name is...is...Tinkerbell!" - she probably thought we'd go easier on our own club people. I don't know if she really was from AC, but we didn't go easier on our own people anyway.

"Must always respect a ghost!" - Linlin, the senior being the guide. LOL.

"Are you going to crawl under the cloth at them?"
"No, I'd look dumb from behind."
- Yingxi and I

"Why is everyone looking at the fake organs!?"
"They look cute!"
"Well...they're fun to make."
- Yingxi and I, again

"I so glad I couldn't see the floor where I was sitting."
"Oh..." - looks at floor- "...gross."
- Me and Crystal

"You look really scary! And you have sharp teeth."
"...I know."
- Me and Huining

There was this weird person who was going around calling every single person Dorcas but didn't recognize the REAL Dorcas. "Hey, nice one, Dorcas!" "Ahh! Dorcas, stop it!" "Don't touch me, Dorcas!"

But - even if my knees were bruised from kneeling, I was deadbeat and aching from being assaulted by visitors, and my shorts and socks and shoes and (new) t-shirt were stained with red paint...it was a wonderful experience. I don't know how to explain. There is a certain sense of satisfaction from knowing your efforts have paid off (we earned $422 profit, but that's only part of it), and it is magnified by the knowledge that the whole of AC shares the feeling. It really helped bonding too! :D I for one got to know a lot of juniors and seniors better. And I got two new nicknames: Smiley and Sunshine Monkey. Don't ask.

Oh, yes - we're leaving the psychotic murderer's room as a display in the window because we couldn't bear to take it down. Muni can go and stare at it (: You wouldn't believe the weapons we found in the art room. Hammers, pliers, saws, wire scrubbing brushes and other items whose purposes we're not very sure of (but can guess at). Seriously. It's scary.

quotes

2007-05-06T17:12:00.000+08:00

I haven't blogged for ages (: Been too busy, what with exams and pts and math worksheets (I swear, I spend half my homework time on them) and all. So here are some anonymous quotes - things which people have said to me. Guess all you like, you probably won't guess who. Unless you're one of them xD

"You are just like a conscience!"
Yes. Yes, I am. I won't deny that I do have a conscience (who would? other than Yingyue, that is), and I do listen to it and judge right and wrong actions - my own, and others'. This was said in jest, after I commented on some act which made me uneasy - copying homework, or something. Well. I was brought up to be nice, to be considerate, to be helpful, to be honest, to say 'please' and 'thank you' and not to go beyond society's beliefs or the Bible's teachings. I don't see anything bad about that, in itself. Unless, of course, my own ideas of right and wrong are flawed. Are they? It disturbs me to know that my friends find nothing wrong with yaoi (japanese slash), spouting profanity (not that I'm saying a lot of people do this!), copying homework (the eternal evil), breaking school rules (not the ones like low socks which are impossible to enforce, but the reasonable ones) and other things which I don't think are right. But I'm no longer very sure what's right. The Bible says homosexuality is wrong, but homosexuals don't do any wrong and there is a lot of unfair discrimination against them. So. What is right and wrong?

"...I always thought you were a friend of the world."
Thank you, for the compliment. I do try to be nice and friendly - but don't be blinded to my faults. There are people I don't like. I get annoyed easily - I just don't show it or complain about it to others. (If I'm annoyed and know it, I'll go very quiet and smile a lot. If I'm annoyed and don't know it yet, I'll frown, talk very fast and fiddle with my fringe. Yeah.) I'm not perfect, I'm not the perfect friend. I just try not to make my dislike and disgust public, sometimes. I wish I could like everybody, but it's impossible. Don't be fooled by my sunny exterior.
(...oh dear. That sounded scary. Okay, maybe I'm not as deep-down nasty as all that sounds. But I do have my flaws, you know.)

"You think you know someone.
But we're all human, so they're all just parallels of yourself."
I agree, and disagree.The idea here's true - that sometimes you don't know what a person is like, inside. Sometimes you think everything's fine, and it's not, and you only find out until it's too late. It's one of the saddest things that can happen in a relationship - not knowing what the other person really wants or really feels. Human nature is like an onion (so are ogres, says Shrek. Never mind.), with many, many layers. What lies at the heart? I've learnt, painfully, that I'm not even sure what lies at my own, and I can't profess to understand others either.
But are all humans really parallels of each other? I say no. Maybe we are in the sense that we all have feelings and a conscience and that we can think and make decisions and act on them. But everyone's made special. I think everyone has a different personality and character, deep down inside. Differences cause conflict. The world would be a better place if we were all the same - but not necessarily a happier place.
Oh, and this quote is somewhat of a paradox - if everyone's a parallel of yourself, they're definitely not unknown.

“But everyone hates bad guys 'cuz bad guys don't get their side of the story told...I don't mind that as well - No one is born evil, everyone will have their causes for action. I'd rather be the bad guy and have everyone hate me as opposed to the good guy whom everyone sympathises with.”
This...is a little confusing. It is true about bad guys - none of them is simply, basically evil and commits crimes because his or her nature is just plain bad. Even in fairytales - like the 'evil' queen in Snow White, who poisons the pretty protagonist just because she wants to be the 'most beautiful of them all'. She didn't do it out of sheer evilness. She had a motive - jealousy, a human fault which everyone shares. But unlike everyone else (well, most of everyone else), she acted on it.
Fine. Not a good example. She's fictional. Well, let's take a real example - Cho Seung Hui, the Korean who committed the massacre in Virginia Tech. He ahd motives, too - complicated ones. He felt left out and snobbed by richer kids. He was a misfit, neither Korean like his parents nor American like his friends. And he was more than a little insane, thinking the world was pitted against him. He wanted to get his own back and commit suicide in the process. So he gunned his fellow students down.
I'm not advocating bad guys. Not me. In no way am I saying we should support them and sympathise with them! (Anyway, if we did, they wouldn't be bad guys any longer.) I just think...the world is not painted in black and white. We are surrounded by shades of grey. It's hard to make decisions. Choosing between right and wrong is easy for most people, but how about choosing between two wrongs? Like choosing between deforestation, which promotes economic development, or preserving the forest, which makes it harder for poor countries to get revenue? If you choose either, does that make you a bad guy?
Still, I don't get why the person who told me this wanted to be a bad guy. Perhaps she meant she'd rather be a 'bad guy' of her own choice for her own clear reasons instead of a 'good guy' who is just pressured into doing what others think is good. That is very commendable.

I just wasted...twenty minutes of mugging time with this extra-long post. Off to do more important things now! And If I offended you by quoting you, tell me and I'll delete it.

I am so going to change my blogskin as soon as I get time to make a new one ): it's ugly.

fashion cluster

2007-04-21T22:50:00.000+08:00

Mood: Amused

Introspective-

I read that everyone has a life metaphor. Like "life is a game" or "life is a party".

Your life metaphor affects your attitude towards life.

And mine? After long contemplation, I decided that mine should be:

Life, for me, is like falling up stairs.

Imagine: stairs. Steep stairs. A lot of stairs.

What's at the end? Jesus, and Heaven. Eternal peace; eternal happiness.

We're climbing up. No - I'm more of falling up. Like I did in school - tripped on a step and fell forward. Because, being me, I'm good at tripping. And sometimes I fall and I fall back down, but there's always someone to help me up and keep me climbing.

We could give up and sit on the steps. Or walk back down, because going down is easier than up.

But I'm gonna keep climbing - or rather falling. But in the end, I will reach the top.

Today!-

I went for the fashion show. ^^ It was pretty fun. But I thought it could've been longer. As Jazzeh said, seems like not much after two years of work. But I guess they did put in a lot of effort. All we saw were the end results.

Saw several artclub seniors including LITYING :D She models well. Her walking is good. But the thing she was wearing was kinda revealing xD

To avoid embarrassing this senior (if not she'll kill me, I think she has a violent streak o__O), I shall not mention her name:

Minyee says her outfit looked like a nun! Lol at first I didn't recognize her in it. And then after the show was over I went to say hi and she pretended not to see me! Even though I was right in front of her and waving my hand in her face. And she tried to run away, as fast as anyone can run away in really high heels. It was super hilarious.

I keep smiling when I think of her and the expression on her face.

I shall consider Fashion Cluster as an RS option next year. If I can get in it with terrible sewing ><

Went for lunch and took neoprints with Minyee! She says I'm fun to take neoprints with ^^

<3!

art

2007-04-10T20:13:00.000+08:00

I shall use this blog to post art which I think is not too bad (: It's easier than blogging!

Here's a sketch of an angry cat I did in, what, three minutes? xD I know the anatomy is messed up.

No, I wasn't feeling angry. I was just tired of drawing cute stuff.

Anyway, a cute (?) pic I did for a friend (:

That's all for now :D

easter

2007-04-08T18:20:00.000+08:00

I'm so glad it's Easter!

It's wonderful that Jesus died for us. I mean, he didn't have to - He didn't have to endure the pain and humiliation. He didn't have to endure hell. But He did. Because he loved us loads and loads and so he died to atone for OUR sins. I don't think I could sacrifice myself that way for anybody...haha okay I shan't start preaching. I know a lot of people don't like it.

Thank the Lord I'm not depressed/emo any more though (: Past few days have been pretty good.

Thursday - went all the way to Jurong East with Giam to do Service Learning! We're volunteering with an after school care, so we went there and helped them with their homework. Ahh they were so adorable, mostly P1 and P2. I'm looking forward to going again on Monday with Debbie (: There aren't a lot of kids and the place is very nice, very airy. There was this KYUT little P1 girl who had such a sweet smile! And she kept writing 'I <3 U' on the whiteboard. Actually I was scared I'd teac them Maths wrongly but it turned out to be the 1 + 2 = 3 type. xD but i panicked when one boy asked me for help with Chinese and ran to Giam 'cos she's so pro at Chinese and always scores high for tingxie!

Friday - spent the afternoon doing geog pt with Zhiting and Xiaowei and Kaiyuit. We had fun (: and nice bubble tea ((: Too bad we have't finished it yet. Had tuition at 8...usaually tuition is extremely boring and unenjoyable but that night Mandi asked me to sit beside her. And we talked and clarified a lot of things and I feel a lot better about the whole fiasco now (ehehe if you don't know what I'm talking about, and you probably don't, you don't need to).

Saturday - pretty ordinary. I miss house prac...Buckle stuff always makes me very enthu and high! I think I must be the only enthu CAD ): other than Litying but she's sec 4 now and a cheerleader so she can't turn up a lot. Anyway, in the evening our family went to watch Meet the Robinsons! Ahh it's such a wonderful story. So sweet and funny and everything. Well no spoilers (;

Anyone still with me? xD This post has just been a long rambling about the past few days. I shall try not to have too many pointless posts like this.

emoness

2007-04-04T21:38:00.000+08:00

Warning: this is an emo, unhappy post. Plus all the thoughts are jumping around randomly.

I know a lot of people see me as a smiley person with a "constant happy medium" (quote Muni). Sydney the Buckle massdance capt commented that I'm always smiling and it's freaky.

Well I want to say that sometimes when I smile I'm not really smiling inside. It's hard to be happy when inside you're all broken and crying but I try my best. I try.

Over the past few weeks bad stuff seems to have kept happening and happening...my grades have all gone down. I think I really need to try harder.

All around me I see people unhappy. I wish I could help them, but I can't or don't dare. All around I see things going on that I don't think are right. I wish I could fix them, but I can't or don't dare.

I hate seeing people sitting alone in the canteen. It makes me wonder if they're lonely.

When people around me are sad, I'm sad too.

I know there are some things I can't help. I found this quote in a Terry Pratchett book recently:
"You can't build a better world for people. Only people can build a better world for people. Otherwise it's just a cage."

I guess...sometimes you can't force people to be happy, or make them do what you think or know is right. They have to make that choice themselves. I learnt that the hard way, I think.

If only I could like everybody! If only everybody could like everybody else and everyone was nice to each other. The world would be a much happier place. There wouldn't be war or cliques or backstabbing or any conflict. But - I suppose that wouldn't work, because conflict is a way God tests us. And humans are born with a natural tendency towards conflict.

I feel so, so trapped sometimes. Caged. There so many things to do all the time and often I can't finish all of them.

I miss being in the same class as Szemin and my closest friends from onetwelve, being able to look around the class and smile at them whenever I wanted.

My new seat makes me claustrophobic. It's not El.

I've grown apart from many of the twelvers...I never see you guys around any more. I miss the familiarity and the twelver spirit. 210's a wonderful class, I'm not saying it's worse, but it's just not the same.

When I grow up, when I grow up I want to be an artist or writer. Maybe both. I think they have less restrictions and regulations and more freedom of expression. I can write or draw whatever I want...

Lord, help me to trust you always, even now.

Friends pic

2007-03-22T16:01:00.000+08:00

Whoo! I finished this and I'm so proud of myself ^^ Been working on it for a couple of days.

Sorry it's kinda big so takes a long time to load!

This is dedicated to all my friends - past, present and future!

Letter

2007-03-20T20:41:00.000+08:00

A Letter to Someone
or, a summary of my feelings

Dear - ,

You'be probably forgotten all about it already, haven't you? You have other things to do, so many things, and other friends (better friends?) Life goes on, always. But me, I can't (or won't?) forget. Every time I think the wound has healed, something happens to open it again and make it bleed worse than before. Has it cut too deep to heal?

Perhaps you are right and it is all for the best. I think, maybe, God wanted to teach me to let go. (That some friends are not worth keeping?) Perhaps you are right and we are just not compatible as friends...

But I wish I could believe that deep in your heart you are sure of that! I wish I could look you in the eyes and ask you if that is what you really think. I wish I dared.

Because, you see, despite everything and all the pain and tears and anger, a little flame of hope still burns within. I wish I could snuff it out. Would it make me feel better? So that it wouldn't burn me any more?

I think your mind is made up, isn't it? You're not going to try. But the flame keeps burning. I can't (or won't?) stop it. But you're not going to try. I can't make you either. I think you are very deluded. I will be honest and I think you do not understand what friendship really means. Maybe I am wrong, but that's what you showed me even if you didn't mean to and didn't know. "If you are compatible with a friend, you will naturally clique together." That wasn't from you, but it is the kind of thing you would think and from a close source. And it is wrong wrong wrong. Every relationship needs effort! But it takes two to clap and even if one side puts in effort, nothing happens without the other.

You tear me in two. My emotions are so mixed, so tangled. I won't say I hate you; that's too strong a word. But I...am angry at you for some degree. Still, still you make me smile. The sight of you fills me with a bubbling hope. Reading through all our gmail chatlogs, our MSN history - it's something I like to do. It brings back so many memories.

Memories...I used to think you were so great. I looked up to you very much because you were an SL and chairperson and everything. I admired you. Now I don't hold you in the same respect anymore. I am being harsh: you have lost my trust. How can I look up to someone who has made decisions which I think are plain stupid?

And one of the reasons why it hurts so much - we both know that too much has happened. The memories are too bitter - for me, at least. I don't think I can ever be truly comfortable around you. You chose this! I asked you and let you choose. So please don't pretend that we can be friends. I know you don't mean to but that's the way my heart interprets it and it hurts. It hurts.

I've said so many mean things in this letter. I've been carrying them around for a while now but I've decided it's not good to keep it all bottled up. I don't know if you'll ever read this but I want you to know that I still care and always will...

Love,
Grace.

P.S. Bitter irony, isn't it? You used to ask me for advice and tell me all your friendship problems, but I never had any myself until I met you.

P.P.S. I suppose we'll never write that book together, will we?

Hypocrisy

2007-03-15T11:22:00.000+08:00

hyp·o·crite
1 : a person who puts on a false appearance of virtue or religion
2 : a person who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings
(from Merriam-Webster online dictionary)

Everybody must be a hypocrite in some small way. We can't keep all our promises, can we, or do exactly everything we say. It's impossible because we're human and we fail.

And if you say you aren't a hypocrite and actually you are, that makes you more of a hypocrite! The only time you wouldn't be would be if you really hadn't showed hypocrisy before in any way. In which case if you said you were a hypocrite, then you really would be a hypocrite. I find it a bit crazy.

Just something I was thinking over.

Oh well, so much for having a clean record. I got booked again yesterday...two bookings now, both by dear Flo. I'm not angry with her! Of course not! Contrary to that, thank you so much for patiently explaining to me that I shouldn't be angry with myself either, because: there are two types of breaking the rules, intentional and non-intentional. And both of mine obviously fell under the category non-intentional, because I simply forgot. She says everybody makes mistakes, and even prefects get booked (sometimes by themselves).

So thank you for hugging me and making me feel better! I was very depressed at first but you buoyed up my spirits! (:

Yesterday was the last day of artclub camp. I really enjoyed the camp :D And I think it helped bonding a lot. Yay we have such funny sec 1s this year! Plus I realised how nice and funneh the seniors are. I hope it becomes an annual affair.

I haven't finished my homework ><>

P.S. Szemin, yes I'm working on you and Sarah's present! ((:

1st Post

2007-03-13T22:22:00.000+08:00

Yay first post on the new blog! I hope it'll be more active than the old one :D

From now on I shall capitalize all my posts. Otherwise my English might just worsen. That'd be bad.

I don't like my old blog xD I think I posted a lot of stupid things. Not good, not good. So here's a new one! The old one was dead, anyway. I shall put a link to this one later (:

I don't really like this skin. It's a bit...I dunno. The pic doesn't match. Even though it's a bee-yu-tiful pic. All credit to the artist! (:

Today I took MRT home with my dear dear artclub/CAD senior. I like talking to her, not sure why. She's always has this grumpy look on her face but she's actually nice and funny. Haha <3 you Yingxi! Though you'll probably never see this.

I told her she should smile more. Because the more you smile, the happier you get; the happier you get, the more you smile! An un-vicious cycle. And she said, "You're taking too much Geog."

And we were talking about mice vs hamsters, and how we like talking to imaginary friends/plants/pets/ourselves. (Yes, I do that. A lot.)

And we were talking about religion. She's a freethinker, and she believes that there is a greater being, but not any that the religions of the world have. I asked her, then, what was her purpose in life? What lay at the end?

She said, "To me, the end of life is not something to look forward to or dread. It's just there."

I don't agree. I'm Christian, of course, and I know that God is waiting, that ultimately he will be the eternal judge. To get to heaven, all you have to do is believe. You don't even have to do good works, but of course...if you really believe and want to be a child of God, you will do your best not to sin.

I try, but more often than not I fail. Yes, I do. But I am sorry afterwards - I do try. We humans are born with sin in our hearts. It's Satan's doing.

I wish...I wish there weren't so many people in the world who didn't know of God's love and Jesus's sacrifice for us. I want to make a difference but I'm always scared. I don't want to preach. I know not many of you will think I'm a very religious person. I don't talk about Christ whenever I can; I don't even say "I'll pray for you." But I'm trying, I really am. I don't want my spiritual life to be confined to Sunday and church.

I'm praying for courage and wisdom to be able to spread His word. That, really, is the Christian purpose.

Whoo. Long, rather off-track post.