He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
- Isiah 40: 29-31
I don't think I can sleep right now even though I should try and get some extra rest. There's a jittery kind of excitement dancing around in my stomach. I don't know why I'm so nervous, it's just eight days in Melbourne.
Thinking about the future scares me.
Listening to: Maneater - Nelly Furtado. It's so catchy haha.
HEY. It's like they read my mind and then wrote this song.
Be My Escape - Relient K
I’ve given up on giving up slowly I’m blending in so you won’t even know me Apart from this whole world that shares my fate This one last bullet you mention It’s my one last shot at redemption Cause I know to live you must give your life away
And I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity And I’ve been locked inside that house All the while you hold the key And I’ve been dying to get out And that might be the death of me And even though there’s no way of knowing Where to go I promise I’m going because
I gotta get out of here I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake I gotta get out of here And I’m begging you, I’m begging you, I’m begging you to be my escape
I’ve given up on doing this alone now Guess I failed and I’m ready to be shown how You told me the way and now I’m trying to get there And this life sentence that I’m serving I admit that I’m every bit deserving But the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair
Cause I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity And I’ve been locked inside that house All the while you hold the key And I’ve been dying to get out And that might be the death of me And even though there’s no way of knowing Where to go I promise I’m going because
I gotta get out of here Cause I’m afraid that this complacency is something I can’t shake (yeah) I gotta get out of here And I’m begging you, I’m begging you, I’m begging you to be my escape
I am a hostage to my own humanity Self-detained and forced to live in this mess I’ve made And all I’m asking is for you to do what you can with me But I can’t ask you to give what you already gave.
Cause I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity And I’ve been locked inside that house All the while you hold the key And I’ve been dying to get out That might be the death of me And even though there’s no way of knowing Where to go I promise I’m going because
I gotta get out of here I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake I gotta get out of here And I’m begging you, I’m begging you, I’m begging you to be my escape.
Actually Relient K used to be a Christian band. There are still Christian undertones in their lyrics. (: You can look at many of their songs as being addressed to God.
I'm procrastinating. I need to do math tuition homework.
I'm tired, mostly. I think I'm really unfit 'cause my thighs are aching after painting the banner for SL yesterday. D: I mean, why my thighs!
I must try not to be so sad/emo. It's not like I have a right to be. Those starving kids in Africa/India/other countries have a right to be emo. I don't.
It's too late, to apologise I said it's too late,
Apologise by One Republic. Awesome song. Sounds great on the piano too, 'cause the bass clef is really low and the treble clef is really high so it sounds drama and emo. And the drums are so catchy.
And you said, Sorry like the angel heaven let me think was you,
Mm I wonder what you were thinking when you said those things, did those things. Did it hurt you too? Were you too angry to care? Or maybe you were just frozen inside.
I guess I shall never know. It doesn't really matter anyway.
I'm holding on your rope, got me ten feet off the ground,
Apologise - One Republic
//EDIT: Tag Replies! I nearly forgot O:
Rayne: Yes, I think you're right. I feel so tired and weak, though. :C But thanks for being a pillar of support. Binkee: HAHA lol. Jaz says it makes me look stupid. D: Minyee: Why! D: I liked your blog. Minyee + short hair = ... Can't imagine it. The picture in my head looks like a bad cut-and-paste Photoshop job. Haha I hope you're having fun in Taiwan right now (: Jazzy: I shall relink...soon. xD LJ is cool. But I can't figure out how to code it ;_; Darrell: Luff ya too. [: <3 <3 I'll try. And yes I wanna see it too! :D
//EDIT 2
Quiz, because I feel like it.
1. Time of starting this? 7:41 PM
2. Were you named after anyone? Nope.
3. Do you wish on stars? More as a gesture, not because I really believe it will happen.
4. When did you last cry? If you don't know, you don't need to.
5. What is your favourite meat? Depends how it's cooked. Probably chicken and beef.
6. What is your most embarrassing CD on your shelf? None, really.
7. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you? Yeah, I guess (:
8. Are you a daredevil? Only when I'm alone. xD You don't wanna know.
9. How do you release anger? I don't.
10.Where is your second home? My auntie's house. (I'm here now)
11. Do you trust others easily? Mm, too easily.
12. What was your favourite toy as a child? Little plastic animal figurines. (: I'd make pretend zoos.
13. What subject in school do you think is totally useless? Actually...none of them.
14. Do you use sarcasm a lot? Depends on who I'm interacting with. It's not a habit, though.
15. Have you ever been in a mosh pit? Nope.
16. What do you look for in a guy/girl? Nice. That's most important.
17. Would you bungee jump? Maybe I would have when I was younger, but I'm less adventurous now. ):
18. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? No, I tie them loose so I can slip them on and off (:
19. What’s your favourite ice cream flavour? Cookies and cream <3 I like Ben&Jerry's cookie dough flavour though.
20. What are your favourite colours? Um...I made a list a while ago...click here.
21. What is your least favourite thing? Uh, there are a lot.
22. What/Who do you miss most right now? I...skip this question.
23. What are you listening to right now? Bubbly by Colbie Caillat (clicky). <3 It starts in my toes and I crinkle my nose; wherever it goes, I'll always know that you make me smile, baby, stay for a while now; just take your time, wherever you go.
24. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be? Orange. Though green's my fave, but orange fits better.
25. What is the weather like right now? Quiet. Still. A bit stuffy.
26. Last person you talked to on the phone? My mum.
27. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Height.
28. How are you today? -shrugs-
29. Favourite drink? Bandung.
30. Favourite alcoholic drink? Too young.
31. Natural hair colour? Black, brown in sunlight.
32. Eye colour? Dark dark brown.
33. Wear contacts? No.
34. Siblings? Younger bro. He's eleven.
35. Favourite month? None really.
36. Favourite food? Chocolate, baked rice, takopochi, icecream, (Hawaiian) pizza, lots and lots of candy, etc.
37. Last movie you watched? -thinks hard- I think it was...Hairspray. I wanna watch Stardust )):
38. Favourite day of the year? I don't know. Nowadays I judge more on...what happens, not just a day in itself.
39. Have you ever been too shy to ask someone out? I've never wanted to ask someone out, but yeah I'm shy around...some people.
40. Scary movies or happy endings? Happy happy happy.
41. Summer or winter? Winter. Snow. Skiing. <3
42. Hugs or kisses? Hugs!
43. What book / magazine are you reading? Newsweek. Hehh.
44. What’s on your mouse pad? I use my tablet. xD
45. What did you watch on TV last night? I haven't watched TV for ages. I like Animal Planet and National Geog, though.
46. Favourite Smell? The smell of books. You can smell it in the library.
47. Do you regret ever breaking up with someone? -shrugs-
I feel like I'm taken for granted by others. But I know it's just my ego telling me that.
I'm always smiley, aren't I? Truth is, I get upset/annoyed pretty easily. It's just that I'm good at keeping it in check. Something about me: I can't stop positive emotions from bubbling to the top and I can't help but bury negative emotions. I suppose that's good in a way.
Today I discovered a way to keep calm that works for me. When I'm angry/frustrated/hurt/upset etc I'll take a deep breath and imagine a bottle and then picture myself stuffing all the negative emotions into the bottle until I'm cool, calm and collected. It works.
My blog's turning into the blog of someone I know. Not surprising, since I think I'm turning into that person.
.t.y.i.n.g.s. says: mmhmm i avoid sad songs - grace says: haha i love them .t.y.i.n.g.s. says: not good, wont really help in cheering me up, for me - grace says: haha for me... - grace says: i don't really listen to cheer up - grace says: more to...i don't know - grace says: maybe i'm addicted to drama/trauma o_O .t.y.i.n.g.s. says: then i think you gotta break out of it?
Yeah. I need to snap out of it. But I'm so weak.
I'm doing it again, anyway. Now it's Everybody's Changing by Keane (I like their music style)
So little time Try to understand that I'm Trying to make a move just to stay in the game I try to stay awake and remember my name But everybody's changing, and I don't feel the same.
I feel so guilty. But it's not enough to motivate me to act.
And that makes me feel guilty too. But, of course, not enough to motivate me to act.
Three things about today.
1. I have a headache. 2. I cut my hair. Looks really different. Fringe. 3. Can't believe I'm so busy even when holidays have started. If anything I'm busier than I was in school. My mum says I overcommit.
My two current fave songs at the moment (there's a third - the one in the post below):
Zzyzx Rd. - Stone Sour (yes I like listening to emo songs by obscure artists. But really, it's such a beautiful/melancholy song. Plus, the electric guitar solo part is just awesome.)
I don't know how else to put this - it's taken me so long to do this I'm falling asleep and I can't see straight My muscles feel like a melee - body's curled in a u-shape I put on my best, but I'm still afraid Propped up by lies with promises - saving my place as life forgets Maybe it's time I saw the world I'm only here for a while - but patience is not my style And I'm so tired that I gotta go.
What am I supposed to hide now? What am I supposed to do? Did you really think I wouldn't see this through? Tell me I should stick around for you, tell me I could have it all I'm still too tired to care and I gotta go.
Happy Ending - Mika (he has such a gay voice but I love his music. This is probably my favourite song of his. It's certainly the saddest.)
Wake up in the morning Stumble on my life Can't get no love without sacrifice If anything should happen I guess I wish you well Mmm a little bit of heaven But a little bit of hell
This is the hardest story that I have ever told No hope or love or glory Happy ending's gone forever more
I feel as if I'm wasted And I'm wastin' everyday
This is the way you left me: I'm not pretending No hope, no love, no glory No happy ending
This is the way that we love: Like it's forever Then live the rest of our life But not together.
Tagreplies <3 Sarah - No, it's fine. I think I need a preacher, I've never been very close to my church teachers or friends. \: I don't know. I feel like I'm running out of faith. Minyee - Holidays! Hahahahaha...no. Let's see...I have to do Melbourne trip resource booklet...SL banner...Buckle banner/website/board...some animation project...my head's spinning. I feel so tired. I don't know, my blog is my punching bag of sorts I guess. I can imagine you with a diao expression right now. Rayne - Imissyou):
You took my hand, you showed me how You promised me you'd be around Uhuh, that's right
I took your words and I believed In everything you said to me Yeah huh, that's right
Because that's the way it was.
Why can't I just accept people for who they are?
"But don't you care that the Bible says homosexuality is wrong?" "It's okay in fiction." "What? No, that's not true!" "So how come there's so much killing in fiction then?"
We didn't argue any more. But I can't just step back and watch the poison.
But I wouldn't have known what to say next, anyway.
I'm no angel myself. My conscience shouts at me a lot, but I never listen.
I never denied I have flaws. I never denied I'm wrong a lot. I never denied sometimes I'm a hypocrite.
Why is it they won't believe those things of me?
I'm not perfect. Stop looking at me like that.
Because right now I'm just a wrecked bundle of emotions.
I guess it's my fault. I'm just too good at pretending.
I wish I could touch you again I wish I could still call you a friend I'd give anything
Why am I so fragile? Why can't I just, just move on? Why can't I trust? Why can't I surrender it all?
I can't stand myself.
I think my blog gets way too personal. Maybe I should consider password protecting it.
It's degenerating into a bunch of YouTube videos and rants.
The tears are threatening to come and to be honest I don't mind.
If someone said three years from now You'd be long gone I'd stand up and punch them out 'Cause they're all wrong I know better 'Cause you said forever And ever Who knew?
