it's the only splash of colour in a greyscale world

Sunday, 7 October 2007

Just had an awesome weekend :D I feel the best I've had in a long time (other than some Monday blues)

Thanks Angie for inviting me to your baptism :D

Because I think I have my faith in God back now.

Quote Joongyan: "...when He's far away, things fall apart."

And it's so true.

How could I have ever left His side in the first place?

And thanks Joni for taking me to your church today :D

It's very different from mine, but I think it's great.

And also thanks a lot a lot to Litying for constantly smsing me to check up on me and whether I was being emo!

And thanks to the person who added 100 hugs to the hug counter thing o_O I can't think of anyone with a four-letter name who would do that. (Hmm. Muni?)

Updated List Of Things To Do After The Exams

- DRAW.
- Do more volunteer work at the SL place :D
- Go shopping.
- Think.
- Buckle banner/website/planning etc. Important!
- Sleep.
- Get my dad/Angie to teach me guitar
- Netcarn banner! Important!
- Read
- Write
- Switch to livejournal (can't crack the design code x( )

It's the middle of mugfest, but I'm burying my stress for the moment.

Labels: christianity, God, happy

wings to the wind! at 7:45 pm

Sunday, 22 July 2007

Lord, You are great because You created the earth and all its creatures and everything else, even those annoying river systems that we have to learn about in geog. You were there first of all and You will still be there in the end.

Lord, thank You for all the blessings You have given me: most of all, for Your love, patience, faithfulness, even to this blind, stumbling wreck of a human being. Thank You for a loving family who brought me up with good values, and for friends who are always there and ready to lend a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, and advice. Thank You for talent, and the chance to make it grow.

Lord, I'm sorry. I know I haven't been a very good Christian lately. I've been wallowing in self-pity and frustration. I've forgotten to thank You for trials because they grow my faith and make me stronger. I haven't been a blessing to those around me; nor have I made you a part of of my life.

Lord, please help me to climb out of this pit I've dug myself into. I want to be Your light to shine upon the world, to share your word. Please give me the wisdom to make those decisions, and the courage to live each day.

Labels: christianity, God, me

wings to the wind! at 4:16 pm

Sunday, 24 June 2007

What to say, Lord? It's
You who gave me life and I
Can't explain just how
Much You mean to me now
That You have saved me, Lord
I give all that I am to You
That everyday I can
Be a light that shines Your name

Everyday, Lord, I'll
Learn to stand upon Your word
And I pray that I
That I might come to know You more
That You would guide me with every single step I take, that
Everyday I can
Be Your light unto the world

Everyday, it's You I live for
Everyday, I'll follow after You
Everyday, I'll walk with You, my Lord

Everyday, Lord, I'll
Learn to stand upon Your word
And I pray that I
That I might come to know You more
That You would guide me with every single step I take, that
Everyday I can
Be Your light unto the world

Everyday, it's You I live for
Everyday, I'll follow after You
Everyday, I'll walk with You, my Lord

It's You I live for, everyday
It's You I live for, everyday
It's You I live for, everyday
It's You I live for, everyday

Everyday, it's You I live for
Everyday, I'll follow after You
Everyday, I'll walk with You, my Lord

Everyday, it's You I live for
Everyday, I'll follow after You
Everyday, I'll walk with You, my Lord

That's what I want to be like, really. I don't want to be just a Sunday Christian. God's there, every hour every minute every second, and i want to be aware of that. I want to let my every word and every action reflect God's will and His love - to be his light onto the world.

I really want to, but sometimes we get so caught up in everyday life - homework, lessons, friends. And there's temptation all around.

I'm going to try. I'm going to try harder.

Labels: christianity, God, song

wings to the wind! at 7:38 pm

Saturday, 26 May 2007

Somehow this song keeps playing in my head. It wants me to sing it, too. (I'm pretty sure my name has NOTHING to do with it.)

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
That sav’d a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.

’Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,
And grace my fears reliev’d;
How precious did that grace appear,
The hour I first believ’d!

Thro’ many dangers, toils and snares,
I have already come;
’Tis grace has brought me safe thus far,
And grace will lead me home.

The Lord has promis’d good to me,
His word my hope secures;
He will my shield and portion be,
As long as life endures.

Yes, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease;
I shall possess, within the veil,
A life of joy and peace.

The earth shall soon dissolve like snow,
The sun forbear to shine;
But God, who call’d me here below,
Will be forever mine.

When we’ve been there ten thousand years,
Bright shining as the sun,
We've no less days to sing God’s praise
Than when we’ve first begun.

I've been bogged down in metaphorical quicksand recently; sinking in self-pity and frustration. It is my own fault, but I'm going to do my best to climb out, because I have very, very much to be grateful for (the greatest of that is God's grace). I'm sorry if I've offended/been harsh to/hurt/surprised anyone lately.

CAP seminar on Monday!

Which means I won't be able to collect my results.

Anyway - I'm excited and apprehensive. I hope I get nice groupmates. Oh dear, I'm still not sure what I'm supposed to wear. And I have to write something on the theme Wiring Heartlands! DD:

Yeah, I'll be gone for a while because it's a five day overnight stay...I'm praying it'll be fun.

Labels: cap, God

wings to the wind! at 8:26 pm

Sunday, 6 May 2007

I haven't blogged for ages (: Been too busy, what with exams and pts and math worksheets (I swear, I spend half my homework time on them) and all. So here are some anonymous quotes - things which people have said to me. Guess all you like, you probably won't guess who. Unless you're one of them xD

"You are just like a conscience!"
Yes. Yes, I am. I won't deny that I do have a conscience (who would? other than Yingyue, that is), and I do listen to it and judge right and wrong actions - my own, and others'. This was said in jest, after I commented on some act which made me uneasy - copying homework, or something. Well. I was brought up to be nice, to be considerate, to be helpful, to be honest, to say 'please' and 'thank you' and not to go beyond society's beliefs or the Bible's teachings. I don't see anything bad about that, in itself. Unless, of course, my own ideas of right and wrong are flawed. Are they? It disturbs me to know that my friends find nothing wrong with yaoi (japanese slash), spouting profanity (not that I'm saying a lot of people do this!), copying homework (the eternal evil), breaking school rules (not the ones like low socks which are impossible to enforce, but the reasonable ones) and other things which I don't think are right. But I'm no longer very sure what's right. The Bible says homosexuality is wrong, but homosexuals don't do any wrong and there is a lot of unfair discrimination against them. So. What is right and wrong?

"...I always thought you were a friend of the world."
Thank you, for the compliment. I do try to be nice and friendly - but don't be blinded to my faults. There are people I don't like. I get annoyed easily - I just don't show it or complain about it to others. (If I'm annoyed and know it, I'll go very quiet and smile a lot. If I'm annoyed and don't know it yet, I'll frown, talk very fast and fiddle with my fringe. Yeah.) I'm not perfect, I'm not the perfect friend. I just try not to make my dislike and disgust public, sometimes. I wish I could like everybody, but it's impossible. Don't be fooled by my sunny exterior.
(...oh dear. That sounded scary. Okay, maybe I'm not as deep-down nasty as all that sounds. But I do have my flaws, you know.)

"You think you know someone.
But we're all human, so they're all just parallels of yourself."
I agree, and disagree.The idea here's true - that sometimes you don't know what a person is like, inside. Sometimes you think everything's fine, and it's not, and you only find out until it's too late. It's one of the saddest things that can happen in a relationship - not knowing what the other person really wants or really feels. Human nature is like an onion (so are ogres, says Shrek. Never mind.), with many, many layers. What lies at the heart? I've learnt, painfully, that I'm not even sure what lies at my own, and I can't profess to understand others either.
But are all humans really parallels of each other? I say no. Maybe we are in the sense that we all have feelings and a conscience and that we can think and make decisions and act on them. But everyone's made special. I think everyone has a different personality and character, deep down inside. Differences cause conflict. The world would be a better place if we were all the same - but not necessarily a happier place.
Oh, and this quote is somewhat of a paradox - if everyone's a parallel of yourself, they're definitely not unknown.

“But everyone hates bad guys 'cuz bad guys don't get their side of the story told...I don't mind that as well - No one is born evil, everyone will have their causes for action. I'd rather be the bad guy and have everyone hate me as opposed to the good guy whom everyone sympathises with.”
This...is a little confusing. It is true about bad guys - none of them is simply, basically evil and commits crimes because his or her nature is just plain bad. Even in fairytales - like the 'evil' queen in Snow White, who poisons the pretty protagonist just because she wants to be the 'most beautiful of them all'. She didn't do it out of sheer evilness. She had a motive - jealousy, a human fault which everyone shares. But unlike everyone else (well, most of everyone else), she acted on it.
Fine. Not a good example. She's fictional. Well, let's take a real example - Cho Seung Hui, the Korean who committed the massacre in Virginia Tech. He ahd motives, too - complicated ones. He felt left out and snobbed by richer kids. He was a misfit, neither Korean like his parents nor American like his friends. And he was more than a little insane, thinking the world was pitted against him. He wanted to get his own back and commit suicide in the process. So he gunned his fellow students down.
I'm not advocating bad guys. Not me. In no way am I saying we should support them and sympathise with them! (Anyway, if we did, they wouldn't be bad guys any longer.) I just think...the world is not painted in black and white. We are surrounded by shades of grey. It's hard to make decisions. Choosing between right and wrong is easy for most people, but how about choosing between two wrongs? Like choosing between deforestation, which promotes economic development, or preserving the forest, which makes it harder for poor countries to get revenue? If you choose either, does that make you a bad guy?
Still, I don't get why the person who told me this wanted to be a bad guy. Perhaps she meant she'd rather be a 'bad guy' of her own choice for her own clear reasons instead of a 'good guy' who is just pressured into doing what others think is good. That is very commendable.

I just wasted...twenty minutes of mugging time with this extra-long post. Off to do more important things now! And If I offended you by quoting you, tell me and I'll delete it.

I am so going to change my blogskin as soon as I get time to make a new one ): it's ugly.

Labels: friends, God, quotes

wings to the wind! at 5:12 pm

Tuesday, 13 March 2007

Yay first post on the new blog! I hope it'll be more active than the old one :D

From now on I shall capitalize all my posts. Otherwise my English might just worsen. That'd be bad.

I don't like my old blog xD I think I posted a lot of stupid things. Not good, not good. So here's a new one! The old one was dead, anyway. I shall put a link to this one later (:

I don't really like this skin. It's a bit...I dunno. The pic doesn't match. Even though it's a bee-yu-tiful pic. All credit to the artist! (:

Today I took MRT home with my dear dear artclub/CAD senior. I like talking to her, not sure why. She's always has this grumpy look on her face but she's actually nice and funny. Haha <3 you Yingxi! Though you'll probably never see this.

I told her she should smile more. Because the more you smile, the happier you get; the happier you get, the more you smile! An un-vicious cycle. And she said, "You're taking too much Geog."

And we were talking about mice vs hamsters, and how we like talking to imaginary friends/plants/pets/ourselves. (Yes, I do that. A lot.)

And we were talking about religion. She's a freethinker, and she believes that there is a greater being, but not any that the religions of the world have. I asked her, then, what was her purpose in life? What lay at the end?

She said, "To me, the end of life is not something to look forward to or dread. It's just there."

I don't agree. I'm Christian, of course, and I know that God is waiting, that ultimately he will be the eternal judge. To get to heaven, all you have to do is believe. You don't even have to do good works, but of course...if you really believe and want to be a child of God, you will do your best not to sin.

I try, but more often than not I fail. Yes, I do. But I am sorry afterwards - I do try. We humans are born with sin in our hearts. It's Satan's doing.

I wish...I wish there weren't so many people in the world who didn't know of God's love and Jesus's sacrifice for us. I want to make a difference but I'm always scared. I don't want to preach. I know not many of you will think I'm a very religious person. I don't talk about Christ whenever I can; I don't even say "I'll pray for you." But I'm trying, I really am. I don't want my spiritual life to be confined to Sunday and church.

I'm praying for courage and wisdom to be able to spread His word. That, really, is the Christian purpose.

Whoo. Long, rather off-track post.

Labels: christianity, God, yingxi

wings to the wind! at 10:22 pm